Confessions of a Judgmental Hippy

So, it's been a while...

2012-01-25T15:17:00.001-06:00

Not apologizing for my absence. Not promising lots of posts in the future. But I will be around. Still trying to decide where I want this blog to go.

Oh. And there's this.

Doulas, Scope of Practice, and In-Fighting

2011-01-19T13:45:00.001-06:00

In this post I talked about midwifery licensing and regulation and what it means for families. Now I want to talk about doulas, their scope of practice, and how this also effects families, as well as the birth community itself.

Doulas are in a grey area. Anyone can call themselves a doula. If your goal is to support a woman during her pregnancy, labor, birth, and/or postpartum period in whatever capacity she may need your support, you are essentially acting in the role of doula. This does not require special training, just empathy and a desire to help. However, most people are more familiar with the concept of the certified doula, a person who has received “formal” training, has done lots of reading and research, been guided through their educational journey by another doula, and deemed by a certifying body as fit to practice as a doula.

While medical professionals can be doulas, not every doula is a medical professional, ie., they cannot diagnose, prescribe medications, treat illness, etc. They may have a wealth of medical information and be very knowledgeable about medical procedures, anatomy, biology, physiology, etc., but it is not their job to tell you what you should do to achieve a healthy pregnancy and baby. It is their job to help you learn, find information to help you make the choices you need to make that are best for you, and support that informed choice. They can offer physical support in the form of massage, touch, breathing techniques, etc., to ease the pain of labor. They can also offer physical support in the form of help around the house during pregnancy and after the baby is born. They can watch your kids. They can talk to your partner and help them understand what you’re going through, and offer suggestions on how your partner can help you. They can be a huge asset to a first-time mom or a mom having her 7th child. They can even be a rock of support when things don’t turn out as everyone had hoped.

I call myself a doula, though I’m not really practicing at the moment. And I’m not certified. Not that I couldn’t certify, I have the knowledge and the skills. I even started certifying through two different organizations. In both cases, though, I found that my philosophies clashed with the certifying organization’s philosophies and if I received certification from either, I would be bound by them to practice as they saw fit, not how I saw fit. Which limited what I wanted to do. And I was not willing to make that sacrifice.

One of those philosophies that I had a really hard time wrapping my head around was the organization’s decree that doulas not attend unassisted homebirths. The idea was that, in attending an unassisted homebirth, a doula may be mistaken as acting in the role of midwife, either by the family or the mother themselves, or by the public. I can see the general public being confused but easily set straight by a quick ‘what is a doula’ discussion. However, every family I know who has chosen unassisted homebirth and hired a doula has no illusions of what that doula’s role is, and would not expect her to act as anything else. A doula does not suddenly overstep her boundaries and fill a midwife’s shoes just because the family has chosen no midwife.

This, of course, is when the peanut gallery starts in. “But if she’s checking dilation/listening to heart tones/looking the baby over, she’s acting as a midwife! That’s outside a doula’s scope of practice!” First and foremost, it is not anybody else’s place to determine another doula’s scope of practice. Whether she is certified or not, if she has skills beyond what she learned in her doula training, she has every right to employ them at the family’s request. She is there to serve the family. Second, these are things the mother’s partner, other family members, or friends could do just as easily if the mother requested it of them. Does that instantaneously put any one of them in the role of midwife? No. It makes them helpers. By the same token, the mother herself could do these things. Maybe she just doesn’t want to. Maybe it’s easier for her to have someone else do these things so she can focus her energy elsewhere, instead of trying to multitask. Either way, in any of those instances, the doula is not acting as midwife. The doula is simply performing a task at the request of the mother, and reporting to the mother her findings so that the mother may make decisions as she sees fit. She is not doing these things for her own information in order to make decisions in the interest of the family.

In any case, it isn’t a given that a doula attending an unassisted birth is performing any of these tasks in the first place. She may not want to. She may not know how to. The family knows what they want, and they know what the doula will and will not do, and everyone is comfortable with their role. The large majority of the time, the unassisted doula does what any other doula does; holds the space, offers emotional and physical labor support, and lets the family choose what they need to do. She will not step outside her comfort zone or scope of practice, and the family will not request it.

And then, always, comes the big question. “But if there’s an emergency…” She will still be a doula in an emergency. She doesn’t take over, she waits to be told what to do, if anything. Doulas who attend unassisted births know that it is never their job to take over and run the show. Ever. They know that they serve the mother, the family. They do what the family requests, and the family knows ahead of time what they’re capable of and what that doula’s personal scope of practice, skill level, and comfort zone are. The family will not request that the doula do anything she isn’t capable of or comfortable with, and the doula does not feel pressured or obligated to jump in and save the day.

So why, then, do certifying organizations, and even fellow doulas, feel it is their place to dictate another doula’s scope of practice, to tell them what type of births they will and will not attend? My opinion is that their own personal beliefs and fears drive this desire to regulate. The board of directors of the organization, or the doula herself making scathing remarks about another, feels that certain situations are dangerous, certain choices are dangerous, and that those choices should not be enabled by the birth community at large. Which is a blatant hypocrisy. How can you advocate for a woman’s choice when you’re vehemently opposed to certain choices available to her? How can you say you support an informed decision to elective cesarean or induction, but not an informed decision to unassisted homebirth? If it is your personal desire to not attend those types of births, then don’t. No one is forcing you to. But it is simply not yours or anyone else’s place to tell another doula what types of births she should or shouldn’t attend, what services she should or shouldn’t provide, or how to run her practice in general. When that type of in-fighting occurs, it harms the birth community as a whole. It marginalizes women who may make unpopular choices and leaves them ostracized, with little or no support, to either tough it out on their own or submit to the more popular choice. How can anyone support that type of environment, where a woman feels pressured by the birth community to choose a birth the community has deemed worthy, even though it may cause mental and emotional trauma to the woman and make them resentful of those doing the pressuring, causing the in-fighting and subsequent hostile environment? How the fuck is that supporting women? It isn’t.

I long for the day when birth workers don’t see everything as black or white, or even the shades of grey. There’s such a wide range of pregnancy and birth information and choices that can be made using that information, and saying ‘this is the choice that’s best for the majority’ is a load of bullshit. There’s no such thing. To say so ignores physical, emotional, and personality differences, individuality, the spectrum of personal experience and comfort level. One woman’s ecstatic, all-natural, unmedicated hospital birth is still another woman’s nightmare (mine, for one). If we insist on dictating what types of birth are ‘right’, and insisting that birthworkers support only those ‘right’ types of birth, we strip away the rights of others to make different choices. Are you stripping others of their rights, or are you supporting women and their families?

Goals for 2011

2010-12-31T12:38:00.001-06:00

Yep, it’s that time of year when people resolve to do things differently, to change their behaviors or habits. And in a few weeks, most of those resolutions will have fallen aside, because we are who we are, and it’s hard to change. So this year I will not resolve to change anything about me, my habits, my behaviors, anything. Are there things I could change? Yes. But it’s a process that needs to be worked on daily, when I can, when I’m able, instead of some hard and fast “from now on, I will do X, Y, and Z instead of A, B, and C”. I know I can’t change overnight and I have no intention to try. Instead, I’m happy to work on the things I need to and forgive myself when I slip.

So rather than resolutions, I’m writing goals. Things I want to accomplish. Things I want to learn, new skills, new experiences. My hope is that in doing so, I will make myself a more well-rounded creature, true to who I am and what I want to be doing in life, and that, in turn, will help me with the changes I want to make in the rest of my life. Maybe you share some of my goals. Maybe you have your own list. I’d love to hear about it, maybe we can help each other.

1. I want to learn to cook more of my own stuff at home. Little things, like ketchup, mustard, mayo, marshmallows, fudge, things that you buy at the store without thinking twice about, but could feasibly make for yourself.
2. Garden. I’m going to have a garden this year. Not just containers, an honest-to-goodness, in the ground garden. I will start small, I will not try to plant every vegetable I could ever possibly want to eat, I will not spread myself too thin. But I will have a few veggies and herbs and start learning to provide for myself by using the resources I have.
3. Chickens. My biggest goal for this year, getting those chickens. Our house is slated for painting once we get some decent weather, and I need to rig a fence, and then, it’s chicken time.
4. DIY house projects. When we need something done around the house, I would first like to look into taking care of it ourselves. Not to the extent of trying to do everything ourselves and potentially running into problems, causing bigger problems, but taking care of what we can on our own, when we can, and learning our limits.
5. Canning, preserving, storing. This is a big one. I want to learn to preserve the harvest, process and store food, to go hand-in-hand with gardening and providing more for ourselves.
6. New knitting techniques! New stitches, patterns, yarns! Expand my knitting horizons :)
7. Practice sewing. I have all the tools I need, I just need to utilize them more, which means practicing, so I’m not so afraid to use the tools in the first place.
8. I would like to try my hand at spinning yarn. Not to be more self-sustainable, but as a hobby, a skill.
9. I would also like to look into weaving, as a hobby and skill.
10. Move more towards buying handmade items instead of going to the box stores for everything. Obviously, that can’t apply to everything, but where possible I want to start supporting real live people, not corporations and factories. I want to be able to have a conversation with the person that made the item I bought.

I know I may not get to all of these. Life is unpredictable, circumstances change, things happen. If I don’t meet my goals for the next year, I will not beat myself up. I will not feel like a failure. I will know that I did what I could and will hope that the following year will bring more opportunity to meet goals not met.

I hope everyone sets their own goals for 2011 and I hope you all get the opportunity to meet as many goals as you want and need to. Happy New Year!

Homebirth Midwifery Licensing: Working for Families or a Piece of Paper?

2010-12-18T00:13:00.001-06:00

From Wikipedia: “In particular a licence may be issued by authorities, to allow an activity that would otherwise be forbidden. It may require paying a fee and/or proving a capability. The requirement may also serve to keep the authorities informed on a type of activity, and to give them the opportunity to set conditions and limitations.”

Which begs the question: why would helping a woman have a baby at home be forbidden in the first place? Hasn’t this practice been going on for centuries before the authorities decided to butt in? It is ultimately the responsibility of the family to choose the person (or no person at all) that they deem competent enough to assist them with the birth of their child. This is true whether they choose a homebirth midwife or an OB. So why is everyone ‘pushing’ for licensure and the demise of the lay-midwife?

Let’s remember: A license doesn’t guarantee competency or flawless performance of said task. It simply means that minimum requirements have been met and dues have been paid to the satisfaction of the licensor. We need only look at the slew of bad drivers currently plaguing our roadways to understand that licensing guarantees nothing. When I discussed the licensed driver parallel on Twitter, someone responded that they’d rather have a licensed driver drive their car than an unlicensed driver. Personally, I’d rather have an experienced driver, one who’s been around the block a few times, doesn’t immediately panic if the situation gets a little hairy; a confident driver, rather than a freshly licensed 16-year-old whose experience consists of book-learning and a driver’s education class. I don’t give a shit about a license, I want ability. Nor do I want a driver who’s been conditioned to believe disaster lies around every corner; someone who’s nervous and jumpy, checking mirrors and dashboard dials every few seconds regardless of the current road conditions or driving situation. That’s just looking for trouble. I want someone who’s calm, reassuring, who isn’t going to jump the gun and possibly make matters worse.

Do you understand my point? Had enough of the driving analogy? Me too. In other words, why isn’t a seasoned midwife, one who has apprenticed for years, learned from experience, chooses not to have a piece of paper proclaiming her accomplishments, as good as a licensed one? There’s something wrong with this way of thinking. Education is education, whether you get it through life-learning and experience or through an institution. They’re simply different paths to a similar goal. It makes me wonder if those who are against lay-midwifery are also against homeschooling. Same idea, yes?.

Now we move on to regulations. Regulations go hand-in-hand with licensing. ‘In order to do what that paper says we’re allowing you to do, you have to work within our predetermined scope of practice, regardless of what you’re capable of handling.’ In some states midwifery regulations are so tight that only the most textbook-perfect of pregnancies and births will be ‘allowed’ to happen at home. Overweight/obese? That’s too risky. VBAC? Forget it. Postdates? Out of the question. All three? You’re fucked. Say bye-bye to your planned homebirth, you’ve been determined to be a ticking time bomb that only an OB and his scalpel can manage. To this I say bullshit. One person’s ‘complication’ is another person’s ‘variation on normal’. But if you want to keep that license, you better work within those guidelines, no matter how many women you end up having to risk out to the hospital, no matter what you’re capable of handling or what you think about those ‘risky’ situations. All for a license that says you can and, by law, you have to.

Which brings me to this: What about that license is worth turning women away? Does it have magical powers that save you from litigation? No, you can still be sued. Will it rally a bunch of fellow midwives or medical professionals to your defense? No, only your reputation and relationships within the community can do that. It may make it easier to accept insurance coverage, but this is not universal and shouldn't be a primary goal. So, then, what do you really lose if you lose your license? Being kicked out of the club?

Some say licensing works to protect the consumer by regulating how a professional can practice. If that’s so, why bother with second opinions? Why interview doctors until you find the one that jives with your lifestyle and preferences? Because some doctors have different experiences that formed the way they practice, different methods of treatment, different ways of seeing a problem and solutions to that problem. So why do doctors have such a wide range in which they can move around with regards to their practice, but licensed midwives do not? Is it because the medical community, even after all these years of working with licensed midwives, still has no respect for the practice, believes that birth is still inherently dangerous and best left to the ‘professionals’ to handle? Hammer, meet the head of the nail. Licensing has not improved the face of midwifery. Instead, it has created a new breed of midwife, one who is more medically-minded, whose practices are based more on a medical model of care because they need to work within a highly regulated scope of practice or risk losing a license.

I have a secret. If you’re good at what you do, honest with the families you serve, know your personal limitations and work within them, are not afraid to seek help when you need it, and develop good personal and professional relationships within the birth community, a license becomes nothing but a piece of paper that tells the world you paid your dues and met ‘continuing education’ requirements for that year. It doesn’t open more doors, it doesn’t bring respect, it doesn’t make you a better or more competent midwife, it doesn’t guarantee you a certain income, it doesn’t make you bulletproof. It doesn’t protect women from ‘bad midwives’. It doesn’t improve outcomes. If you didn’t have that license dictating your abilities you would be able to expand your practice to include those women who aren’t covered by the regulations but whose desires for a peaceful homebirth are no less important. You could do so much more for women and their families if you just served women to the best of your abilities and stopped letting a license hold you hostage.

Whatever your alliance, whatever your motives or goals or opinions with regards to homebirth midwifery licensing, one thing is certain: if you let a regulatory body have control you become part of that machine. Many join up with ideas of change, bringing healing and reason to a broken and irrational maternity system that fails women left and right. But so many get held back by that paper, allowing it to determine their path, and eventually molding them into part of the system where they find themselves arguing in favor of more management and medicalization and against the change they were fighting for. They lose sight of what’s at the heart of being a midwife: serving families, helping them achieve the birth they want, educating and supporting them in their decision-making and honoring their choices.

Which leads me to another topic: doulas and their scope of practice, the vilification of choice, hypocrisy, and political alliances. Stay tuned, that post is forthcoming…

if you bake this, you’re a whore

2010-12-11T15:59:00.001-06:00

that’s right, everyone. homewrecker banana bread!

so, there’s a ridiculous story that goes along with this one. ridiculous and unfortunate and absurd, and it all started because i did something nice for someone else and baked them a loaf of banana bread.

i’d been baking all kinds of things this past spring/summer and giving some to the neighbors. the guy two doors down from me (we’ll call him ‘L’) stopped by one day and asked if i could bake him and his wife (we’ll call her ‘B’) a loaf of banana bread. sure, why not, right? so, baked bread in hand, i go knock on the neighbor’s door, and B answers. we haven’t met yet, so i introduce myself, hand her the banana bread and say ‘here’s the loaf of banana bread L asked me to bake for you guys’. she didn’t look me in the face, kept giggling nervously, and was very eager to close the door on me after a rushed ‘thank you’. i figured she must be shy and left it at that. should’ve known better…

a few weeks later, we have a bonfire in the backyard. L stops by to hang out, along with about 5 of our other neighbors. three people got up to go use bathrooms, leaving me, L, and another neighbor (female) at the picnic table talking. suddenly B comes stalking around the corner of my house, walks up to L and announces it’s time for him to go home. never acknowledged the other neighbor, let alone the owner of the property she’s currently on. after some hushed discussion, she stalks away and he gathered up his stuff and followed. i learned later that she proceeded to yell at him out front, asking ‘so which one were you trying to get with? J’s wife or that other one (meaning me)?’. the following day, L must have left the house without saying anything. i was standing outside chatting when here she comes stomping up and down the street looking for him, specifically around my house. then he pulls up in his jeep, they fight, and he comes up to the neighbor’s house while she piles the kids into her car and goes tearing down the street. good call, lady.

then everything quiets down. the weather gets cold, no one’s going outside to hang out anymore, so i’m thinking the storm has passed. one night my brother-in-law and i decide to go out for a drink with J’s wife, and head over to L’s house to see if anyone else wants to go (the neighbors have all gathered in the basement to play poker). we were there 15 minutes. i was with my brother-in-law and the other neighbors. apparently, though, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back…

i go next door one night a couple weeks later to have a beer while the kids play. L is over there, too. as i walk in he looks up and says ‘so, did you know we’re having an affair?’. whaaaaaa? i couldn’t help but laugh. ‘are you serious?! when did that happen?’ B had been suspicious of me since the day i brought them banana bread. then she found her husband hanging out in my backyard. then (and this was the clincher), when i came over with my brother-in-law that one evening, she lost it. she cornered L and demanded to know why he hadn’t kicked me out, why he had let the whore into their house. yep, whore. they proceeded to have a screaming match, at the end of which she packed up her stuff and left. she has moved out. she honestly believes that we were having an affair the entire time. she has left her husband and children because she was unable to simply ask questions, get her facts straight, and face her own issues.

as everyone else has said, must be some damn good banana bread for her to accuse me of sleeping with her husband. so, now that she has broken her family, and i’ve been labeled the neighborhood whore, i will share my homewrecker banana bread recipe with you. you’ve been warned.

1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 tsp molasses
2 eggs
2 large bananas, mashed
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
2 cups flour
1/2 cup buttermilk (use 1/2 cup milk + 1 tsp of lemon juice; let sit for 10 minutes)
1 tsp vanilla

preheat oven to 350. in a large bowl cream together butter, sugar, molasses, and eggs. stir in mashed bananas. in another bowl, mix all dry ingredients. add to the banana mixture, alternating with the buttermilk. add vanilla. pour into a greased loaf pan and bake for 60 minutes or until a knife comes out clean. if you want, you can substitute yogurt for the buttermilk. enjoy! and for cripes’ sake, don’t make any for the neighbors…

our society is fucked up

2010-12-09T22:17:00.001-06:00

'if you hold your baby/wear your baby/co-sleep all the time, you'll spoil them'. spoil a baby? what's the fear here? that they won't be prepared for the cold, lonely universe we've created for them? or that they'll be expecting us to help them, guide them, and *gasp* comfort them when they're not feeling at their best? our parents did this to us. their parents did it to them. we are living in a culture that prides itself on being independent, yet we’re constantly afraid. afraid of ourselves, our families, our friends, the world. afraid of investing too much emotion and energy into relationships lest they go sour. afraid of our innermost thoughts. afraid we’re not normal. afraid of our emotions. afraid of the dark. afraid that when it all goes wrong, we won’t have the comfort of another person that we seek when we’re at our lowest times.

now we’re continuing the cycle, starting at birth. these tiny creatures have been cradled in the comfort of our wombs for 9 months, and now that they’ve come out into the world, we put them in a small bed with bars, away from us, often in a separate room altogether, and expect them to sleep. we put them in cribs, cradles, Moses baskets, swings, papasans, strollers…away. always away. with toys and other objects to soothe and entertain. they must learn independence. they must learn to self-soothe. they must learn not to rely on me or see me as a source of comfort or companionship, for i have other, important adult things to do and can’t be bothered.

the clincher? so, so many parents are doing all these things when their instincts are screaming at them to do the exact opposite. they want to hold and cuddle, have the baby near them, be in constant physical contact, comfort them. why are we continuing to let society tell us our instincts are wrong? we’re all a bit fucked up in the head because of how we were raised, and yet we continue the cycle, we do what our parents did, what their parents did, we even ask them all for advice, read books from so-called ‘experts’, and tell ourselves it’s what we’re supposed to be doing. if it’s ‘the right thing to do’, why does it feel so horrible?

before i had Connell, i got a crib. a stroller. a bouncy seat and walker. a floor gym. when i brought him home from the hospital, i couldn’t put him down. every fiber of my being wanted to do nothing more than hold him. when people asked how we were sleeping, how i was doing stumbling to the crib in the night, and i told them he was in bed with me. oh. my. god. all the unsolicited advice that followed was horrific. i shut it out. nodded and smiled and ignored them. no way was i doing what they suggested. babywearing was just as bad.

and everyone had such dire warnings: he’ll never leave your bed, he’ll never learn to walk, he’ll never be independent. i continued to do what my instincts told me to, and surprisingly, none of their predictions has come true. so tell me, then, what did i do wrong again?

i still get spoiling comments, more from strangers now than from friends or family. i still smile and nod, mainly because knocking someone upside the head while you’re wearing the baby is such a stark visible contrast in ideologies i’m afraid it would make onlookers’ heads explode. but it’s not the people so much as the ideas and the fears behind their comments that make me so angry. fear of a child wanting and needing their parent. better nip that in the bud, right?

sorry, folks, this one’s been sitting in my head for a while. full-on venting rant. had to get it out…

Taco Casserole – The noms keep coming

2010-12-02T18:38:00.001-06:00

i posted about taco casserole on twitter today, and @jmparme asked for the recipe. it’s a good one. sooooo ridiculously easy, and so damn good.

12 oz (approximately) of tortilla chips
4-5 oz (approximately) baby spinach
1 white onion, sliced
3 cans diced tomatoes (or about 4 fresh tomatoes, diced)
3 cans chili con carne
1 lb shredded cheddar cheese

preheat oven to 400. in a 9” x 13” casserole dish, layer the ingredients in the order given. bake uncovered for 25 minutes. find a stick to pry your husband off of you after he’s had a bite. this recipe proves that whole “way to a man’s stomach” theory. good luck.

Thanksgiving with the Hippy

2010-11-24T10:49:00.001-06:00

i don’t do the turkey. i have yet to do the turkey. that’s mom’s job. mom will probably cook the turkey and host thanksgiving until she is no longer able to function (in other words, she’ll be dead). but i bring the pumpkin pie, ever since i started making it from scratch. sometimes i bring other side dishes, too. mom does the majority of the dinner herself, though. this year i've been assigned pumpkin pie and applesauce muffins. easy peasy. but i thought i’d list a few recipes that i’ve used for thanksgivings past and present. maybe if you’re looking for a quick extra dish for tomorrow’s dinner one of these will work for you. enjoy!

Pumpkin Pie

i will assume you have your own crust recipe, or plan on using a store-bought crust. my recipe is not one i’m going to share. sorry everyone! so, on to the filling:

1 pie pumpkin (or 2 if they’re very small)
2 eggs
1-1/2 c cream
1/2 c sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
pinch cloves

preheat oven to 350. cut pumpkin in half and scoop out the seeds. place cut side down on a baking sheet and bake for approximately 1 hour, or until the shells start to brown and crisp and you can see liquid leaking out from underneath the pumpkin halves. scoop out the shells. if the pumpkin mashes easily with a fork, do so, otherwise put in a blender and puree. set aside 2 cups.

turn oven up to 425.

in a large bowl, beat the eggs. add the pumpkin, cream, sugar, salt, and spices. stir until blended. pour into your pie shell and bake for 15 min @ 425. reduce heat to 350 & bake for 45 min more. check for doneness with a knife.

Creamed Corn

nothing fancy here, guys. mainly just opening cans and heating it all up. still really tasty, though.

1 can cream corn
1 can whole corn, drained
1 can sliced mushrooms
8 oz package cream cheese
3 oz swiss cheese

combine all ingredients in a pot & heat over medium/high until cheese is all melted.

Yams

i used to make these for connell and izzy as baby food. they loved it! watch the cinnamon, though, all of my kids have been very sensitive to it and i’ve backed it off when making this for the wee ones.

3 medium yams
4 tbsp butter
1 c maple syrup
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cardamom
1 tsp cloves

peel and cut yams into 1 inch chunks. place in baking dish. heat butter, syrup and spices in a saucepan. drizzle over yams and toss to evenly coat. bake at 425 for 20 min or longer until tender.

Spinach-Artichoke Dip

yummy with crackers, chips, veggies, bread, whatever. nice little appetizer dish while everyone waits for the turkey.

14 oz can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
5 oz frozen spinach, thawed
1/2 c sour cream
1/4 c mayo
1/4 c cream cheese, softened
1/4 c grated romano chese
1/4 tsp minced garlic

preheat oven to 375. mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. pour into baking dish. cover and bake about 25 min.

and there you have it. some thanksgiving yumminess for everyone. wishing everyone a happy thanksgiving!

next recipe preview: homewrecker banana bread (yep, long story in which i get called a whore. stay tuned…)

Three recipes

2010-11-01T17:52:00.001-05:00

Yep, three. I posted on twitter today about my three dinner options, trying to decide which to make tonight. Which prompted a bit of cooking discussion and a request for the recipes. I’m thinking this may turn into half cooking blog/half brain-dump blog before long…

Angel Hair Pasta w/Lemon-Cream-Beer Sauce

kosher salt
1 cup heavy cream
16 oz angel hair pasta
1/4 cup chopped parsley (optional but yummy)
2 lemons
1/2 cup beer (Corona or Bud Light Lime work best)
black pepper

Set a large pot of water to boil and cook pasta. While waiting, zest 1 lemon. Cut off both ends of the lemon and peel out the wedge pieces of fruit (technical term). Juice the other lemon (shooting for roughly 2 Tbsp). Set the fruit wedges, juice, and zest aside. Over med-high heat combine cream, beer, and fruit, bringing to a boil. Lower heat to a simmer to thicken a bit. Drain pasta. Add juice to cream mix, then pour over pasta. Toss with parsley and zest, add salt and pepper to taste.

Spinach Casserole

16 oz elbow macaroni
6-8 slices cheese (cheddar or jack, or both)
20 oz frozen chopped spinach
1 cup diced cooked chicken breast (optional)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup milk
1 can cream soup (your choice; I use cream of mushroom)
1/2 cup grated cheese

Cook the macaroni. Drain. Grease a 9x13 baking dish and cover the bottom with the macaroni. Cover this with the cheese slices. Break up the frozen spinach and place over the cheese. Cover the cheese with chicken (if you’re adding it). In a bowl, combine salt, milk, and soup. Pour over the top of the casserole. Sprinkle with grated cheese. Bake at 375 for 35-40 minutes, or until cheese has melted and become bubbly.

Sage Mac&Cheese

My absolute favorite! Super rich ultimate comfort food. Plain ole macaroni and cheese just won’t cut it after you’ve tried this.

1-3/4 cup half & half
3/4 cup milk
8 oz cream cheese
3 Tbsp butter
2 cups grated provolone
1-3/4 cup grated parmesan
2 oz prosciutto
1 Tbsp sage
1 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp salt
16 oz macaroni, cooked and drained

Heat the oven to 350. In a large saucepan combine the half & half, cream cheese, and butter. Cook over med-high heat, stirring occasionally until butter and cream cheese have melted. While this is simmering, in a large bowl or pot toss the provolone, 1-1/2 cups of the parmesan, prosciutto, sage, pepper, & salt with the macaroni. Add the hot milk mix and stir until combined. Pour into a greased casserole dish and bake for 25 minutes.

All easy to make and all relatively cheap. Enjoy!

Lazy chicken and cheesy mashed potatoes

2010-10-25T10:59:00.001-05:00

No, this hasn’t become a recipe blog. But geez, I make some really good food, and I like sharing that with others. So, here’s what’s for dinner at my house tonight.

Lazy chicken came about one night when I was going to make buttermilk chicken from a recipe my friend gave me. I was getting overwhelmed with all the various interruptions from kids, too many pots on the stove, etc., and decided to make a shortcut. So here it is.

CHICKEN
4 - 6 chicken breasts
1/2 - 1 cup bread crumbs
stick of butter
salt, pepper, dried minced onion

POTATOES
at least 5 lbs of Yukon gold potatoes
8 oz cream cheese
8 oz shredded Monterey Jack cheese
stick of butter
splash of milk (optional)

Preheat oven to 375. Pound the chicken breasts til they are about 1/2-inch thick. Lay breasts in a 9”x13” casserole dish (I end up using another 8”x8”, too). Sprinkle with bread crumbs until they are reasonably well-covered. Then sprinkle with salt, pepper, and minced onion. You can add garlic, too, if you want. Whatever seasonings you like. Then slice pats of butter off the stick and lay them over the top of the chicken. I end up using about 6 for the large pan and another 2 for the smaller one. Now, bake for 25 minutes. Slice into one to check for doneness.

For the potatoes, peel and dice, throw in a large pot, cover with water, and boil until soft enough to mash with a fork. Drain water. Throw in the stick of butter and let it melt a bit. Using a potato masher (yes, by hand), mash while mixing in the butter. Add the cream cheese and mash/mix in. Then add the shredded cheese. By this time the potatoes should be mostly mashed up. Add a splash of milk if you want the potatoes a bit fluffier.

And done. Eat, enjoy. Perfect comfort food.

I guess nothing I do is safe

2010-10-22T14:26:00.001-05:00

Unassisted pregnancies and births, co-sleeping, limited routine doctor visits, no vaccines, breastfeeding without supplementation, treating at home for non-emergent illness/injuries…now? Babywearing.

Oh my god, call the cops. She’s got a baby strapped to her back. Doesn’t she read? Doesn’t she know? Wearing your baby is sooooo dangerous….

Yes, folks. A piece of cloth is now dangerous. Lethal, in fact. Nevermind that car seats, cribs, and strollers get recalled on a regular basis due to serious injury or death. No one is calling for a blanket recall of those products. But this recall led to the CPSC questioning ALL slings, and calling for safety standards to be put in place.

CPSC has determined that a mandatory standard is needed for infant sling carriers. While a mandatory standard is being developed, CPSC staff is working with ASTM International and concerned companies such as Infantino to quickly develop an effective voluntary standard for slings. There currently are no safety standards for infant sling carriers.

I agree. Somewhat. I think it’s more about education than a particular design standard. Let me try to explain…

Any carrier, pouch, ring sling, wrap, mei tai, soft structured carrier, or frame backpack can be used improperly, just like car seats, cribs, and strollers. Some carriers make it virtually impossible to safely carry a baby (think bag slings). You simply cannot position the baby well enough to ensure good airflow, hence the need for these to be removed from the market. Others may have a bit of a learning curve (learning to tie a baby in a wrap on your back). Still others are okay when used one way, but not so great when used another (Bjorn-style carriers are fine with baby facing in, not out; stretchy wraps are great for front carries/little babies, but aren’t as safe when used with back carries/heavier babies).

The carriers on the market are typically designed well enough, often copied from other carriers of the same style, or with a slight variation in fabric used, adding/subtracting padding, making shoulder straps wider, etc. Every carrier I’ve ever owned, borrowed, or simply tried out (and believe me, after 7 years, I’ve had opportunity to use many) has been safe enough when used properly. You may occasionally run into an issue where stitching isn’t as strong as it could be, or fabric isn’t a good fit for the style of carrier, but these problems can often be remedied by simply doing a quick check of stitching and fabric before using the carrier, trying out the carrier in a safe place in your home before using it on a regular basis, and alerting the manufacturer if the problem isn’t related to improper use or care of the carrier and is, in fact, a design or manufacturing flaw. Those things may seem common sense, but how often do we actually do them? And are we more likely to ‘trust’ an item if it’s manufactured by a more popular, more ‘reputable’ company and skip those simple safety checks? I think so…

If we’re going to set standards, it should be education standards. Educating the consumer about how to safely use the carrier. Reminding them to do an all-over check before each use. Including detailed instructions on how to use the carrier, pictures, directing to online tutorials and videos, and including safety precautions (i.e.., don’t wear your baby on your front when cooking at the stove; have someone assist you when putting baby in the carrier until you’re comfortable doing it yourself).

We need to remember that babywearing is an everyday thing in so many areas of the world and has been for thousands of years. So for those people, they don’t need safety precautions and education, it’s been part of their life since day one. But for us, we’ve been so busy pushing our babies away for so long, we’re essentially starting all over again. It warms my heart to see families wearing their little ones. When I started babywearing 7 years ago, I was a strange fish wearing a Girasol wrap or a New Native pouch in a sea of Snuglis and Bjorns. Now I see pouches, ring slings, wraps, soft structured carriers, mei tais…almost every time I go out, I see a baby being worn. It’s becoming more commonplace and while I still get questions about ‘how do you do that’ or ‘where did you get that’ or ‘where do i learn’, I’m also getting lots of questions along the lines of ‘oooh, what brand of mei tai is that’ or ‘what kind of wrap is that’ or ‘did you make that pouch yourself’.

Which brings me to my last point. While sling-makers need to do their part and educate their customers, we as babywearers should all be doing our part educating the public. I’ve given complete strangers my email address when they ask about babywearing, encouraged them to email me with any questions about slings, how to use them, where to find them or how to make them. Six years ago I started a local babywearing group to get the word out and to support families who were already doing it. I’ve done as much as I could to tell people how great babywearing is over the years. I admit my advocacy has waned in the past year or two as my family size increases and I find myself being pulled in many different directions, but with this age-old practice being threatened by misinformation and fear, I think it’s time to get back on board and do what I can in my own community to educate and illuminate. I encourage all my fellow babywearers, locally and nationally, to do the same :)

here, have a muffin

2010-10-21T21:24:00.001-05:00

Yeah, I've been lax in my blogging duties. One of those “shit hits the fan, juggling 3 kids, housework, busy husband, friends, neighbors, can i get an amen?!’ kind of months. There’s been a lot that I've wanted to blog about, but by the time I'm done checking email, facebook, twitter, etc., Maisie’s no longer interested in toys, Izzy’s hungry, it’s time to pick Connell up from school…any number of things. Like right now, Maisie’s nursing while I type, but keeps reaching behind her to hang on to my fingers, or hit the keys, making this damn near impossible. And she’s comfort/sleep nursing, so I can’t set her down with toys….

Ah, life with kids.

So, accept my apologies for not blogging about the important ish going down and around these past couple weeks, and bake yourself some muffins with the applesauce you made (no seriously, I think everyone I know made applesauce this year, it’s ridiculous…).

APPLESAUCE MUFFINS

I use the sauce from my awesomesauce recipe for these muffins. Oh. My. Cow. Makes a dozen. And they don’t last long.

1-1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
2/3 cup brown sugar (I make my own; easy-peasy, details below)
1-1/2 cups chunky applesauce
6 Tbsp butter, melted

Heat the oven to 375. Grease (or line w/cups) a 12-cup muffin pan, set aside. In a large mixing bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. In another large bowl, beat the eggs and brown sugar. For brown sugar, I use my regular sugar (raw cane sugar) and add 1 tsp molasses. Done. Now, stir in the applesauce and melted butter and mix until smooth. Pour the apple mixture over flour mixture and mix with a wooden spoon until you can’t see any traces of flour.

Fill bake cups about 2/3 with batter. Bake about 20 minutes. Knife-test for doneness.

Make your own damn yogurt

2010-09-27T11:07:00.001-05:00

Easy peasy (just make sure you follow the directions! I tend to get sidetracked and end up with accidental ricotta cheese…). Got a crockpot? You’re ready to go. All you need is:

Half gallon of milk (not ultra-pasteurized; i use whole milk)
8 oz plain yogurt with live active cultures

Pour the milk into the crock, cover, and turn on low for 2-1/2 hours. Then turn OFF for 3 hours. At the end of 3 hours, whisk in the plain yogurt. Cover and turn to low for about 20 minutes, then turn off, take the crock out of the heating unit. Wrap a thick bath towel around the crock and cover it with another folded towel to keep it well-insulated. Let sit for 8 hours. Then spoon this into Ball jars and keep in the fridge. It will last about a week and a half. Remember to reserve 8 oz of your homemade yogurt for the next batch. The culture will weaken over time, so you’ll need to get a fresh batch of yogurt from the store occasionally.

You can add sugar, fruit, honey, maple syrup, etc. to your yogurt for taste. I’ve used it in cooking, baking, smoothies, and feeding the pets. Good luck and enjoy!

Kids & boobs & Katy Perry

2010-09-24T18:26:00.000-05:00

Katy Perry filmed a parody video with Elmo from Sesame Street. The premise was ‘dress-up time’, and she parodied her song “Hot & Cold”. This is nothing new, celebrities coming on Sesame Street to film little skits, musicians doing song parodies, public figures with educational messages for kids and adults alike. But Katy’s video got pulled. Why?

Because according to many, many people, on a kids’ show, cleavage is not allowed.

Here’s the video that got pulled:

Lots of people are saying this is inappropriate. Let’s look at some cleavage that the majority of people either overlook or turn a blind eye to.

Another Sesame Street bit. Another costume with lots of cleavage. But I’m assuming many see this as okay because it’s opera and not bubblegum pop. So, cleavage on fine arts is apparently okay.

Wonder Woman. Girls are encouraged when they idolize Wonder Woman. So because she’s a fictional character with superhero powers, it’s okay that her costume is barely hanging on to her boobs? Sure. So, cleavage on strong women is apparently okay.

This costume style also lends itself to figure skating, a notoriously difficult sport that requires strength, flexibility, and stamina. Lots of dedication, lots of willpower. So, cleavage on athletic women is apparently okay.

Just. Not. Katy. And not Katy near Elmo. How is this fair?

Watch the Double Standard

I’ve also noticed several breastfeeding moms who normally defend public breastfeeding are shying away from the Katy Perry video as well. Which, in my mind, sets a double standard. Women who defend nursing in public to people who get upset by it because they ‘don’t want to see your breast’ oftentimes take the angle of ‘it’s just boobs, not sex; boobs aren’t sex objects’, etc. But here we have Katy’s breasts being sexualized in the form of ‘that’s too much cleavage for a kids’ show’. If boobs are just boobs, not sex objects, then there should be no reason why she can’t wear a low-cut costume and sing with puppets for kids. It can’t go both ways. If it’s okay for a woman to breastfeed uncovered in public, where kids are likely to be and likely to see, because it’s just a bit of flesh and breastfeeding is not a sex act, then cleavage should be okay, as well. Otherwise, you’re picking and choosing what’s ‘appropriate’, which is subjective, and placing the blame for your discomfort on the person in question, who is not deserving of it. She is not behaving in a sexual manner. You are sexualizing her breasts. She is not.

I, for one, thought the video was cute. At least it’s still on the internet. I’m going to play it for my kids now.

The lowly peasants you work with may have a differing opinion

2010-09-22T11:07:00.001-05:00

One of my husband’s coworkers made a comment the other day that absolutely enraged me. Apparently she got all upset about Papa Murphy’s (that take-and-bake pizza place) now accepting EBT (food stamps). Because, according to her philosophy, people using EBT have no business using that money for take-and-bake pizza.

Really? Why? Why is it okay for the ‘well-to-do’ to have a flop night with pizza, but families using EBT aren’t allowed? Just because they’re using government funds to do it? Because those funds came from your tax dollars, so therefore you think you have a right to say “I can have pizza and you can’t because you don’t make enough money”? Ah yes. My mistake. I’ll get my ass back in the kitchen and continue cooking absolutely everything from scratch while you lounge on your sofa with your well-earned pizza. Silly me. I forgot my place in this classist society.

Let me make something clear. People on EBT can’t use it to buy alcohol, cigarettes, or pet food. They can’t use it to buy fast food (Burger King, McDonald’s, etc.). They can’t use it to buy certain already-prepared food (cooked pizza from the supermarket deli; coffee drinks). It can’t be used to buy household items or hygiene products. There are limitations.

How do I know? We use EBT. My husband is an apprenticed funeral director. He has a degree. He has a respectable job. I stay home to take care of our three kids, he works. But he doesn’t make a boatload of money, and we need to supplement with EBT. This is not an unusual situation, just one that requires a little help from the government, and hopefully only temporary. No doubt some are thinking “Stop having kids if you can’t afford them”. No. Having children should not be a class privilege. Plain and simple. Others are thinking “Go back to work to supplement the income, you cow”. Right. But then the kids would have to be put in daycare, which would suck away the majority of that supplemental income, and the remainder would not make up our grocery bill. So what’s the benefit to that plan? None. So home it is for me while my husband goes off to take care of the dead, a job not many are cut out for, and contrary to popular belief, does not rake in piles of cash.

So why did this comment enrage me so much? There seems to be a general impression that families using government aid are spending all this money on superfluous things, junk. And this is where the ridiculous prejudice slips in. If you haven’t been in the situation to need government aid, you have no idea what it’s like, and therefore have no room to pass judgment. Low-income families do everything in their power to make sure *needs* are met first. Food, shelter, clothing. Superfluous things are few and far between, treats. You get a Starbucks coffee every day because it’s your routine, something you’ve gotten used to, and part of your everyday life. To me that’s a treat. You get take-out once/twice/three times a week. That happens maybe once a month for us, and again, it’s a treat. And no, EBT doesn’t get used for those things, so never fear, your hard-earned money isn’t being recklessly spent by us lazy ne’er-do-wells who sponge off society because we don’t want to work…

I bust my ass every day to take care of my family. I do a lot of these hippy things, not just because it’s healthier or a better choice, but because it’s cheap. Cooking from scratch. Making my own cleaners. Sewing. Crochet and knit. Using cloth diapers. Breastfeeding. Hell, even homebirthing. There’s so much more I could be doing, too, but I’m human and have a breaking point. I don’t have time for some things. But I do what I can to help my family and stretch a dollar. Using government money is not a source of pride for me, it’s just the situation we find ourselves in at the moment through no fault of our own. We are not lazy. We are not sponging off society. We work. Hard. And for that, we damn well deserve a pizza flop night once in a while. So fuck you and your government aid prejudice. Fuck you and your judgment of people who work hard yet still need a little help. Walk a day in my shoes, step inside my life, before you decide what my family deserves.

The Caramel Sauce Recipe

2010-09-20T11:23:00.001-05:00

I’ve actually had a few requests for this one. It’s unbelievably yummy, very easy, and so much better for you than store-bought caramel sauce. So, without further ado…

1 cup sugar
5 tbsp butter
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

In a high-sided saucepan, heat the sugar over medium-high, stirring, until it has melted and takes on a dark amber color. Add the butter, stirring continuously until it’s melted. Once melted, turn off the heat, count to 3, and slowly whisk in the cream. You may want to use a long-handled spoon or wear oven mitts as the mixture will bubble quite a bit when adding the butter and the cream, and can splatter, not to mention the mixture puts off a lot of heat.

This makes just under a pint of caramel sauce. Enjoy!

Awesomesauce – By popular demand

2010-09-05T23:03:00.002-05:00

Okay kiddoes, here it is. My applesauce recipe. With fall being just around the corner and everyone getting ready (not to mention I told @CrunchyGoddess about the yummy goodness and promised I’d post it), I thought this would get us all in the mood :)

This will fill approximately 4 pint size Mason jars. When I made last year’s batch, I simply heat sealed them and stored them in the fridge until I used them without any issues. You could probably try freezing it, as well (going to try this myself this year).

5 lbs Fuji apples (really, it has to be Fuji’s to get the right taste)
half a stick of butter
3 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp cinnamon (I use Saigon cinnamon from The Spice Hunter. Best. Ever.)

Peel and slice the apples, place in a large pot, and fill with water til apples are just covered. Without covering, boil the apples down until they are easily mashed with a fork. Remove from heat and using a potato masher, mash until mostly smooth, with some small chunks remaining. Place pot back on the stove and turn heat to low. Now add in the butter, sugar, and cinnamon, stirring until melted and mixed. While still hot, pour into sterilized jars, add lids and bands, and wait to hear the pop. Once jars have cooled, place in the fridge.
I use this applesauce to make really yummy muffins, and all my babies have loved it, too :) Enjoy!

Nebraska 'Fair-Weather' Friends of Midwives

2010-08-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

I may get burned at the stake for this....

I know a lot of local friends support Nebraska Friends of Midwives. The following opinion may be unpopular with those people, but it's why I can't and won't attend NFoM meetings, why I won't donate, join, or otherwise support this group.
A while back, our local underground midwife found herself in a sticky situation. She needed legal advice, but couldn't afford it. We were all concerned for her and her situation, as we believed it might be the end of her being able to help women have homebirths in our area.

While I don't agree with the way she practices, I knew my friends liked her and felt comfortable with her attending them, and didn't want to see this option taken away. So I rallied with some friends to get a fundraiser going. Spread the word. Did what I could within my power to help this woman. And was shocked when NFoM didn't step in to do the same. Why? Why would a group dedicated to helping further the art of midwifery not step in and help defend its own, especially when this midwife had attended some of their births?

Because they did not want to associate themselves with a DEM while they were trying so hard to get legislation passed for CNMs to attend homebirths in our state.

Which brings me to another point. The current plan of attack for legalizing homebirth midwifery in Nebraska is to get CNMs in the door first, then work our way down. Why? Why not go for the gold? What's wrong with wanting it all?

They send out requests for members and friends to bake cookies and send postcards and letters. I get wanting to project a good image, and while the postcards and letters may do some good, somehow I don't think the Nebraska legislators are going to be swayed by chocolate chips. Just sayin'.

To be fair, this is not a cause I've lent much time to in the past. Mainly because I didn't have the time or energy to expend on another project, but also because I didn't agree with the goals. I don't see why DEMs are being put at the bottom of the goal list. I was told it would be easier to get CNMs approved first because they are the 'safest' option since they have visible qualifications in the form of education/licensing. Ah. So we're relegating DEMs to that subset of questionable safety, ensuring that it will take even longer for legislation for them to pass. Once you make one group look like the better or safer option, you've made life that much more difficult for the rest.

In this same vein, many were talking up the idea of appealing to legislators' fears and blaming them for the 'dangerous' unassisted births that would be the result of not passing homebirth midwifery legislation. Ah yes. Throw the UC'ers under the bus. Make us into your sacrificial lambs. Did no one see that if you vilify UC in order to put homebirth midwifery on a pedestal, you're giving them the option to legislate *against* planned unassisted birth? While in theory it would be difficult to prosecute, that wouldn't stop them from putting something in the books to 'outlaw' a perfectly valid choice.
I do think it's better to have a group of women lobbying for homebirth options than not. But I simply don't agree with how they're going about things. I don't feel compelled to join a group of women who want to make my choices look dangerous in order to further their cause. And I don't agree with them turning their backs on one of their own in a time of uncertainty when she could have used that support. Actions speak louder than words, and while I hear them *say* they want all midwives legal, what I *hear* is 'CNMs are most important; the rest can suffer'.

I hope I hear something different. Soon.

i'm selfish and reckless? you're a pig. are we even?

2010-08-21T17:42:00.000-05:00

yet another voice against homebirth. i thought it was bad with she-who-will-not-be-named roaming the internet in search of prey. now we have a so-called 'parenting expert' telling homebirthers 'sorry, you're selfish and reckless'. really? let's break this article and argument down.

This week there has been a brouhaha, caused by an article written by Cathy Warwick, the general secretary of the Royal College of Midwives. She, it would appear, is enraged by a report in the medical journal The Lancet supporting the claims of U.S. researchers whose study of data from more than 500,000 births indicates that home deliveries can double, or even treble, the risk of a baby dying during childbirth.

there's a good breakdown of why this meta-analysis is faulty at Science and Sensibility.

i find myself wondering, then, what her opinion of elective C-section is, since it increases the risk of maternal mortality, among many, many other things? moving on...

Now I don't know about you, but even the teeniest increase in the risk of death to my unborn child, or to myself, would be more than enough to get me into my car and down the local maternity hospital the second labour started.

apparently she doesn't understand that getting into the car in the first place is riskier than homebirth. and yes, i've linked to the car accident statistics website for her country. american car accident website is here.

i guess she would rather i had gotten in the car and headed for the hospital the minute i realized i truly was in labor. when i started pushing. which took 20 minutes. and how, exactly, would we have made it to the hospital in time, which is 10 miles away? in a blizzard? i would've birthed in the car, with my other two children in the backseat, in the middle of a snowstorm. right. totally safe.

We're talking about the life of two people here - and, by association, the lives of everyone they know - and I value that ever so slightly above the need for comforting personal effects and my favourite CD on the stereo.

i value that, too. comforting personal effects and my favourite CD are things i would take to the hospital to calm me down as i would be climbing the walls worrying about iatrogenic risks otherwise. i didn't utilize either of those things at my homebirths. to each their own.

And to me, anyone who doesn't is being not only very foolhardy, but also incredibly selfish. As well as having written three books on parenting, I have given birth three times, and never considered having my baby on the Ikea rug in my living room, even though as a young, healthy, fit woman - I had my first child at 23, and the other two at 25 and 28 - I was in a very low risk category and could easily have opted for a home birth.

on the surface, we have a couple things in common. both had our first at 23, second at 25. my third was at 29, but whatev. we were both in a low-risk category. but, um...what the fuck does writing a couple parenting books have anything to do with anything? writing a parenting book does not equal being an expert on birth. it means having an ego large enough to think you're an expert on parenting and wooing a publisher into thinking the same. same goes for the 'i've given birth 3 times' excuse. you've had 3 hospital births. this does not make you a birth expert, and even less of an expert on homebirth. i could end here, since i could easily rest my case as to why this argument has now become a non-argument, but i'll continue since it just gets even more amusing...

But thank goodness I didn't, because two of my 'low risk' labours ended up being more complicated than anyone had predicted. It was lucky I was in a hospital with immediate medical care available, or my babies could have been in real trouble.
The reason for this is very simple: childbirth is not an exact science. It's not predictable or controllable. It is a natural, biological process, and like many biological processes, it can outsmart even the best human planner.

is it just me or does anyone else see how she's shot herself in the foot here? 'childbirth is not an exact science...not predictable OR CONTROLLABLE...it can outsmart even the best human planner.' and therefore, the hospital is the best place because they use science and try to plan everything? doctors are human and birth can outsmart them, as well. especially when they're trying to use science to control nature.

We live in an age where what we want is sold to us as more important than anything else. Even what an unborn baby might need. It's an age of obsessive control. From the coffee we drink, to the food we eat, to the holidays we take - everything has to be just how we like it. If it's not, we want our money back.
Perfection is our right. We deserve it. But where motherhood is concerned, this trend towards exercising our 'right' to have things exactly the way we want - having every choice available to wonderful, deserving us - is potentially damaging both to ourselves and to our children. Pregnancies are now timed to occur between work conferences, while births are booked into the diary like dental appointments. These days we can even choose the sex of our baby and pick a father from a catalogue.

Whatever next? A 28-day guarantee in case the child doesn't turn out exactly as we'd planned?

and yet, she's buying into the idea of perfection that the doctors and hospitals have sold to her. what if something went wrong in the almighty hospital? would she accept that as part of life and not go running off to her lawyer to get the lawsuit going? somehow i get the impression she'd be on the phone in half a heartbeat, ready to string someone up by their toes.

she then goes on to tell us a bit about her harrowing births, and how she was so lucky to have been in the hospital because that was the only place possible to successfully accomplish them. she is apparently unaware of the bag of tricks many midwives carry with them to homebirths: oxygen and ambu bags, medications and IVs, dopplers or fetoscopes to monitor heart rate, a slew of equipment to do anything from break the bag of water to cut the cord. which just illustrates how misinformed she really is.

Childbirth is unpredictable and therefore inherently risky. We are told it's a woman's right to choose where to give birth, and in a way it is. But this isn't like choosing where to have a facial - it's deciding where you think your baby, and you, will have the best chance of surviving if things go wrong. And that 'if' is very important . Think about it. The language used in this debate is highly emotive and significant.

ha! says the woman calling names! there are lots of 'ifs' in life, and the hospital setting is not immune to fate, chance, and undesirable outcomes.

Those in favour of home birth speak of it as being a ' positive' choice. Of the journey into hospital being 'unpleasant'. Of hospitals being 'uncomfortable' And for whom? For the mother - not for the baby.

of course, we won't talk about baby's discomforts after the birth (suctioning, early cord clamping, blood tests, shots, eye goop, irritating hats and ankle bands, separation from mom, bright lights...).

Now, I dislike strip lighting, the clinical smell and not being able to drink a cup of tea out of my favourite mug as much as the next woman trying to get a human out of her body. But these discomforts seem shamefully insignificant compared with the importance of having a safe, healthy delivery - even if the risk is tiny.

And at least if I get myself to the hospital from the start, I know there's no chance I'll end up rushing there in an emergency, thus putting my baby's life at risk.

again, homebirth isn't just about creature comforts. emergencies happen in hospital, too, and unless all necessary emergency staff is standing by and an OR room is already prepped the minute you walk through the doors in labor, that emergency C-section is going to take a little while to get started. at least during a transfer you have the ability to call ahead and get the ball rolling so staff can be largely prepped when you arrive.

There is also talk among some homebirthers that the medical profession make pregnancy sound like 'an illness'. What rubbish. They do not.
Any obstetrician wants nothing more than for every birth to be successful and healthy.

apparently she's never visited My OB said WHAT?! or perused the posts from an online OB forum.

And I only have to look to all the doctors I know who have chosen to give birth in hospital to know it's the safest place to be. The other selfish aspect of a home birth is that it requires a fully-trained midwife to leave the hospital and give one woman her undivided attention for the duration of her labour, which can be 24 hours or even much longer.

any self-respecting care provider SHOULD give a laboring mother their undivided attention for the duration of the labor and immediate postpartum period. are you fucking kidding me? what's next, conveyor belt births? how misogynistic to spout the opinion that a laboring woman doesn't deserve to have her care provider's full attention while in labor. utter horseshit, that. and not every single midwife is employed by a hospital, so a woman choosing a homebirth is not necessarily creating an understaffed situation at her local hospital. good lord.

How far should we take these rights? Personally, I would much prefer to have all my dental treatment at home, because I think it would be more relaxing and make the procedure less stressful and there wouldn't be that dentist smell - should I be provided with a dentist who will come to my home and give me a filling? No, I should not.

spare me the rhetoric. please.

But with all of this said, I must point out that, of course, I think making the birthing process as relaxing and comfortable for the mother is extremely important.

It is also, obviously, the case that many home births go perfectly well and many hospital births don't. It's not an exact science. What we need is the best of both worlds - for hospitals to provide far better care for women in labour, so that we have the best medical care available immediately, and a comforting environment.

she starts to see the light. a concession is made...

For me, the potential benefits of delivering in my kitchen don't remotely outweigh the risks. I am thankful every day for the care that was on hand within minutes when my babies needed it.
That's what it's there for.

and yes, every woman should weigh the risks and benefits of ALL options available to her and choose what she is most comfortable with. homebirth isn't for everyone. some women are simply more comfortable in a hospital setting and would make bad homebirth candidates BECAUSE OF that. you can't birth easily if you're uncomfortable and scared. period.

We should be sensible and less self-obsessed - and use it.

along those same lines, it is irrational and unreasonable to tell a woman who has researched her options, weighed the risks and benefits, and made an informed choice, that she is selfish and reckless. misogyny at its finest.

to sum, she birthed in a hospital and believes everyone else should, too, and stop being so selfish. because she's an 'expert', so therefore, we should listen and take heed. and, of course, because she obviously cares more about our babies than we do. obviously.

wow. this woman has a lot of nerve.

retract the claws already...

2010-08-10T19:12:00.000-05:00

good lord. gisele bundchen makes an off-hand comment (because, of course, NO ONE has EVER done THAT), and the mommy world implodes.

seriously? seriously?! because none of us have ever exaggerated our thoughts to get people to listen. right? right.

so let's pretend she said nothing about a 'worldwide law'. let's pretend instead she said 'worldwide recommendation'.

oh wait. there is one.

and the fact that so many women are getting up in arms about 'OMG, the supermodel wants a breastfeeding law! she has no right!' is irritating. of course she has a right to express her opinion and wish things were different. y'all are getting your panties wadded up for no reason. there's no law. there will never be a law. she just wants people to see how important this is.

but it's easier to focus on the off-hand comment and turn her into a bad guy so that we don't have to focus on the reality of 'she's got a point'. breastfeeding is what SHOULD happen for the first 6 months of a baby's life. personally, i've always felt formula should only be available by prescription. if you have a valid need for formula (ie, your breasts will not produce milk, you need to be on a medication incompatible with breastfeeding/pumping, or you are mentally/emotionally unable to handle or cope with the act of breastfeeding/pumping), then you should be able to get a prescription for it. but honestly? if your boobs work, use them. pump and feed expressed milk in a bottle if you prefer. it's free, it's healthy, and it's the biological norm. this would, of course, be easier if good lactation consultants were more available and everyone had access to real support in the form of friends, family, LLL meetings, etc. believe me, we're trying. we'll get there. but in the meantime, it also helps if people actively seek out support, too. it doesn't magically come to you. i speak from personal experience...

and i know lots of people say 'but it should be up to mothers to choose what's best for them'. but what about the baby? what's best for the baby? and why does mother's choice trump baby's choice time and again in this argument? this society will rail and rage against a woman choosing homebirth because 'think of the baby! you need to do what's best/safest for the baby and have that baby in the hospital!' but then when it comes to feeding, everyone cries 'mother's choice!' and forgets about the baby. how is this fair?

so many babies are being put at risk simply because it IS a mother's choice to feed formula instead. anyone can go to the store, get a can of formula, and instantly change their baby's gut flora, which changes the baby's risk factors for all kinds of things, including SIDS. so women are needlessly putting their babies at a higher risk of SIDS because they choose formula. do you see how this seems a bit unfair to the baby?

in my opinion, we owe a lot of this argument of 'mother's choice' to the fact that our country STILL will not follow the WHO Code regarding the marketing of breastmilk substitutes. we are bombarded every day with ads for formula, how good it is, how safe it is, how it's a perfectly valid choice, even a healthy choice. we were bottlefed. our parents were bottlefed. and everyone's okay, right? everyone who made it through baby-hood eating formula came out just fine, yes? well, maybe...

but those of us who speak out and speak up for babies' right to their biologically expected food source are told we're making women who use formula feel guilty. if you don't believe you've done anything wrong, why are you feeling guilty? if you've looked into the matter and feel that your choice is truly what's best for your baby, then nothing i or anyone else can say should make you feel guilty. if you need to use formula, there's nothing to feel guilty for, because in that instance you ARE doing what's best.

so please stop clawing at the supermodel already.

World Breastfeeding Week - Days 3, 4, 5

2010-08-06T11:05:00.001-05:00

life is breastfeeding. breastfeeding is life. it's all intertwined.

i've been busy the past few days and haven't had much of a chance to post like i wanted to. maisie is justthisside of high needs some days. other days not so much. but i can never predict when it's going to be a needy day.

of course, in all of our busy-ness, we've nursed. and nursed. and nursedandnursedandnursed. it's just part of life at this point. there are times i don't even realize i'm nursing. i'll be holding maisie, talking to someone, and she fusses just a little, and my first instinct is to latch her on. i don't even think, i just do. which has garnered some slightly surprised looks, but more often than not the transition from 'mom holding baby while having discussion' to 'mom nursing baby while having discussion' is smooth.

the other night i was cooking dinner and she wasn't happy in the highchair anymore, so i took her out and started nursing her. while still cooking dinner. the only bad thing about that is i keep forgetting how big she's getting. i accidentally brushed her toe against a pan on the stove. no serious injury, minor first-degree burn, but still. bad mom.

the older she gets, the rarer the moments when we sit down and just enjoy nursing. with two older children to chase after, a dog to police, a house to tend to, and a husband that works long, sometimes unpredictable hours, there isn't always time to just sit and enjoy. those are the moments i cherish, though. drink it in. because i don't know if i'll get a chance again in the future. i don't know if we'll have more babies.

i hope so.

World Breastfeeding Week - Day Two

2010-08-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

another picture of Maisie nursing while we sit in the computer chair. which is where i've been spending a lot of time the past couple days, now that we have internet up and running again. catching up, nursing, posting, feeling a bit closer to sanity now that i can connect with people again.

this is way more than i typically show when i nurse in public, so it's a bit daring for me to post this. but it's breastfeeding week. and even when i'm in public, sometimes i get distracted, Maisie gets distracted, and people get a show. it happens. hoping to get some public nursing pictures this week and post those for comparison. this is more the 'we're at home and i don't give a shit' look :)

World Breastfeeding Week - Day 1

2010-08-01T16:27:00.000-05:00

in honor of World Breastfeeding Week, i will be posting a breastfeeding or breastfeeding-related picture every day this week. why? because it needs to be out there more. the more people see it, the more comfortable they will be with it.

miss maisie fell asleep while nursing. nothing new, nothing unusual. oh so sweet. this is the beauty of breastfeeding.

the vilification of choice

2010-07-31T15:59:00.002-05:00

the new homebirth "study" has media outlets and bloggers clamoring to stick it to those selfish homebirthers.

forget the study for a minute. forget all the studies, positive and negative. let's focus on choice.

let's start with the absolute basic. homebirth is a choice for most in the industrialized world. one can either choose to birth at home, either with or without an assistant of some sort, or one can choose to birth in a hospital setting. BOTH options carry their own set of risks and benefits. it is up to the person choosing to decide which set they are more comfortable with. this should not be up to ANYONE but the mother (as far as i'm concerned), or the mother and her family to make an informed decision about which choice they are more comfortable with.

what people don't seem to take into account is that whatever choice is made, the responsibility for that choice lies with them AND ONLY THEM. no one can guarantee you a perfect birth outcome. no one can guarantee you a live birth. no one can guarantee a trauma-free birth. no one can guarantee there won't be complications or injuries. NO ONE can make a guarantee. not OBs, not GPs, not midwives, not yourself. not god. not nature.

sure, there are ways to maximize your chances of a good outcome, and these usually include letting birth unfold naturally, without interference, with minimal monitoring. birth is designed to be largely hands-off, and the design itself is not flawed.

it's human thinking and emotion that complicate things and throw wrenches into the works. we get caught up in the idea that we should be guaranteed a perfect baby at the end of pregnancy, and when that doesn't happen, emotions run high. 'why did this happen? what can we do next time to avoid this outcome? what safety standards do we need to put in place to make sure babies are born safe, healthy, alive, perfect?'

what we fail to see is we're holding ourselves and nature to a ridiculously high standard. it simply cannnot be possible for every baby to be born alive and perfect. this is not the standard anywhere else in the animal kingdom. why do we expect we can defy those odds? it's unreasonable to put those kinds of expectations and that type of responsibility on ANYONE'S shoulders. yes, there are instances of malpractice, but many doctors and other care providers practice the way they do, with bells and whistles and surgery-at-the-ready, because they're being held to these standards in the form of lawsuits.

society simply isn't comfortable with the idea of a baby dying. for any reason. with the advent of medical technology, we have decided to eradicate this tragedy. we have set ourselves up for an impossible goal and put the responsibility for achieving that goal, not on ourselves as consumers making informed choices, but on our care providers. our human care providers. as much as they would love to control for every factor that might complicate a baby's arrival into the world, they can't. no one can.

to assume that going to the hospital with doctors and medical equipment will ensure the health and safety of your baby, or the homebirth midwife with oxygen and pitocin, or yourself alone with all the reading and researching and basic equipment you've gathered, is naive. sometimes, bad things happen, and no one can prevent them. no amount of medical knowledge or fancy equipment, natural methods, or instinct can fix it. it just is.

your choice is your own, but you need to own it. and to the daddy blogger i linked to above, don't count your chickens before they're hatched and call homebirthers selfish. think about it. you're being just as selfish in your decision. you're choosing hospital over homebirth because you believe this is what's best and will guarantee you the best outcome. families who choose homebirth have the same goals in mind. they're just looking at things from a different perspective. we all want the best for our families and our children, but do not vilify another family's choice simply because it's not what you would choose. i wish you all the best.

the perfection mafia

2010-07-24T12:39:00.002-05:00

there's a pervasive idea prowling around the internet, in the crunchy circles. this idea that one has to be 'all-or-nothing' when it comes to attachment parenting/natural family living. one-upmanship (that's been present for years, but it's getting on my nerves). bullshit.

this is not some kind of club with a laundry list of requirements to be considered 'in'. gimme a fucking break. we don't all have to have the exact same views on parenting, politics, religion, life in general. we don't all have to check things off the list to qualify to be friends with someone who does. evolve already.

i have friends who run the gammut on breastfeeding. some go for years. some tried. some can't. i have friends who cosleep and friends that don't. i have friends that vax their kids. i have friends who use cloth diapers, some part-time, and others that use disposables. some homebirth, some don't. some homeschool. some don't. some are religious. some aren't. and all have varying political philosophies.

seeing a theme yet?

some buy all organic food, or go one step further and grow their own/co-op with farms/make the majority of their food from scratch. some go to the grocery store. some have eschewed conventional cosmetics and hygiene products and make their own. they even make their own household cleaners. again, some go to the grocery store. some are WOHMs, some are WAHMs, and some are SAHMs.

and yet i still call these people my friends. why?

because they're not ignorant. they're making informed choices and doing what they can within their means while trying to maintain their own mental and emotional well-being. i know if i tried to 'do it all' i'd have a nervous breakdown. some parents can and they make it work beautifully. i envy them, to be sure, but i know i'm not 'less than' simply because i can't make it work. i do what i can when i can. sometimes that means switching things up. buy conventional one week, make my own the next. use gDiapers for now, try cloth again later.

and sometimes we make mistakes. sometimes we make decisions without as much information as we could have. sometimes they're little things, other times they're big things. but we learn from those mistakes and keep plugging along. because it'll all be okay. nobody's perfect and nobody has a perfect life. and it's not about the damn laundry list. if you're defining your life with a list and insisting that others do similarly in order to do the right thing and have a happy life, you're peddling propaganda.

Educational method and the art of fluidity

2010-07-20T13:54:00.002-05:00

how does an unschooler decide to send her child to public school?

CSJ will be 7 in less than a month (how the hell did that happen?!), and he has been unschooled up to this point. for this upcoming school year, we will be sending him to public school.

'but that's practically the other end of the learning spectrum! how can you justify going against your philosophies?'

believe it or not, i'm pro-education, whatever form it takes. i don't think a 'one-size-fits-all' approach is the best by any means. i know children who thrive in public school because it suits their lifestyle and their learning style, and i know children who are absolutely miserable and cannot thrive in that environment. same goes for homeschool. my philosophy with regards to education is 'do what works best for that child in order to get the best results.

i started unschooling with CSJ because, at the time, it suited his lifestyle and learning style. it was not a decision made in rebellion of the system. i did not choose homeschool/unschool because of religious beliefs. i did want to have some control over what he was exposed to, since at the time, i was concerned about how he would handle certain situations. but i never said 'homeschool or bust', and always kept an open mind about public school in the future.

well, the future is now. things have changed in our family. our lifestyle has changed and his learning style has changed. over the past year he's become less self-directed and more 'show me the way' in how he learns. given how busy things have become, it isn't easy for me to take time out and help guide him. recently, a neighbor of mine told me about a school she works at in our district that might fit him quite well. she was observing him playing with the other kids and asked if we were going to homeschool always or if we would ever consider public school. i told her that we were constantly assessing the situation and would change things if we felt it would work better (and i had actually been considering public school but wasn't comfortable with the options available). i think things happen for a reason, and i think this came at the right time.

we're looking at this as a trial, an opportunity. he wants to go to school. he wants to meet new people and experience the school setting. who am i to deny him that? if it works out, so much the better. if it doesn't, we can always return to the homeschooling life. no harm, no foul.

do i feel like an unschooling/homeschooling failure? no, not really. i don't feel like i'm failing my child if i'm responding to a situational change in an appropriate manner. don't get me wrong. i'm not sending my child into the system to let the system do all the work for me. not at all. i see it as an opportunity for us both. he will bring home lessons and homework and tell me about what he learned, and i will be able to help him with questions and expand on topics outside the classroom. while this will limit certain aspects of our lives, it will also open doors. i will be able to focus more on Izzy Jo, since she will be staying home this year. i will be able to accomplish things during the day with only two children at home that would have been more difficult to tackle with all three (i'm not supermom and have a hard time managing 2 very spirited individuals and a baby).

i don't see educational method as an all-or-nothing, 'it HAS to be this way or you're doing your child a disservice, make whatever sacrifices you have to' type of thing. there are so many methods, so many opportunities, i think it's reasonable to explore options.

if i've learned anything from parenting, it's that one has to be fluid.

my own 'independence' day

2010-07-04T19:30:00.002-05:00

this one's difficult. not quite sure how to put it all into words, as it's more a feeling than anything. a calling, i guess you could say. i've been trying to figure out how to explain why i've chosen this path, and this is the best i can do. i'm sure some will disagree with how i'm going about things. i'm okay with this. i'm not going to debate it, either, because there's nothing anyone can say that will make me choose a different path. this one's mine to walk how i see fit. stay on yours, please.

i'm being called to midwifery. independent midwifery. independent as in, i don't want a license, i don't want association with any certifying body or regulatory body, nor do i want a 'formal' education. sound ridiculous? sound absurd? maybe to you, but i don't see it that way. i see it as doing the same thing so many other midwives have done: reading, researching, observing birth, and eventually, when ready, becoming the midwife. someone who walks with a woman through her pregnancy, showing her the path to empowerment, educating her, and eventually being called (or not, as the case may be) to sit and hold the space for that woman to birth her baby. to be an extra set of hands should she need them. to help her if she needs to make a difficult decision. to provide calm assistance if she finds herself needing it.

NOT to save the day.
NOT to ALLOW her to do one thing or the other.
NOT to take control.
NOT to tell her what she will and won't be doing while in my care.
NOT to take responsibility for her pregnancy and birth, but to show her how to TAKE BIRTH BACK. show her that it is HER birth, HER body, HER baby, and in the end, HER decision as to what is best.

a woman knows best about her own body. she knows herself better than anyone else. my job is to be with her while she makes her decisions and let her pick my brain for information if she needs to.

i know there are educational options out there. lots. some lead to certifications or licenses. some lead to mountains of knowledge. i know these paths are available to me, and i choose not to take them. i know this will make things more difficult, not having people show me the way to the knowledge i seek. i don't want it handed to me. i want to search for it.

i have no illusions about how much work is ahead of me. years. volumes. i know. i look forward to it and welcome the opportunity.

i'm not doing this because i think any of the available educational options are 'not good enough'. they're more than good enough. this is just something i need to do for myself. a personal choice. i can't explain it any other way. i hope this doesn't offend anyone who's chosen a certification, license, or other educational path. that's never my intention. but it is something i needed to get off my chest and out in 'public', so to speak.

off to enjoy the rest of this Independence Day.

childbirth education is not the devil

2010-06-26T13:37:00.009-05:00

Reference post: The lovely Miss Amy Gates at Crunchy Domestic Goddess

somewhere in the comments section, i think things took a wrong turn with regards to the subject. or maybe i'm interpreting the subject differently. i'll get to that in a minute. first...

after reading the comments, i was honestly kind of astonished. there seems to be a prevailing opinion of 'i don't need classes, thankyouverymuch, i'll do just fine on my own. i don't need to pay for education'.

i get that. i really do. this is coming from someone who never took childbirth education (CBE) classes, who has had 2 UP/UCs, who is currently educating herself in midwifery (that's a topic for another post).

it was the negativity with which this attitude was presented that surprised me. if you don't want classes, there's not a damn thing wrong with that, but some women do. so why the attitude that CBE is a bad idea, or at the very least, something superfluous? do i think a woman can have a baby without having any CBE? of course. some women do better educating themselves than sitting in a class and having someone direct them to the information. but haven't we learned by now that there are different ways of learning, and not everyone learns the same way? so how about this: CBE is not for everyone, kudos to those who self-educate, and thank Gus for the people who become CBEs.

now, to be fair, not all CBE is created equally. most hospital-sponsored CBE is subpar at best (some, not all, don't jump my shit if you're a hospital CBE and choose to take offense). that's not an opinion i'll back down from, either. in most cases, hospital-based CBE holds the hospital's interests at heart, not the mother's or baby's. you can't convince me otherwise. then there are Bradley classes, Lamaze classes, CAPPA, etc. different methods, one general goal. education will lead to empowerment. these CBEs, in my experience, want nothing more than to give you all the information they can and help you find information they may not already have to help you be empowered and educated when you walk through the hospital doors. sure, some will say buy the hospital ticket, get the hospital ride, but homebirth isn't for everyone, either. and really, the more empowered, educated, strong women go to the hospital and achieve their birthing goals, the more hospital staff will see how birth CAN be, and the closer we can get to changing this country's dismal maternity system, baby steps though they may be.

the key here is no one is saying every woman should attend CBE, just that CBE can be a fantastic resource for women who want to learn about natural childbirth but feel overwhelmed by all the information, or for those who want to learn a specific method. CBE classes aren't going to make or break your birth, but for some they make all the difference in the world.

now, on to my interpretation of the subject. as stated in the post, it started when Kristen (who happens to be a friend of mine) made a comment regarding a woman who inquired about her Bradley classes. the woman felt 12 weeks was too much time to commit, which made Kristen pause and think, and realize that she spent more time planning for her wedding than most people spend planning for their child's birth. sure, this may be a generalization, and people who regularly read 'crunchy' blogs may not be part of that generalization. doesn't mean it isn't true for some.

this is what i took away from the comparison: in general, society places more emphasis on planning a wedding and the excruciating details of said event, and then only pays lip service to educating oneself about the processes of pregnancy, labor, birth, the common interventions and routine procedures, and the risks/benefits of it all, usually by recommending some ridiculous book like What to Expect or The Girlfriends' Guide. that's not education. really. it's not. another one i'm not backing down from.

whatever your choice, whether you research on your own or take classes, it comes down to this: a wedding is an event that one can choose to make a big deal out of, or not, but it doesn't effect you physically. it doesn't set the stage for the remainder of your reproductive life. if you're looking to take CBE classes because that's what you choose, is 2 hours a week x 12 weeks, a whole 24 hours, really too much time to spend?

well, facebook, you finally got around to me...

2010-03-16T17:23:00.004-05:00

wow...seriously? i thought i was so under the radar i'd never get reported....especially since my pictures were set to private. but, lo and behold, someone reported one of my pictures as being 'indecent', and facebook the (impotent) almighty removed it....

ROFLMAO!

like this is supposed to deter me? like this is supposed to teach me a lesson? please...this will only serve to light a fire under my ass to get more breastfeeding pictures taken, and soon, and bomb the 'nets with them...over and over and over....
seriously, facebook, how many times are you willing to remove a picture from a person's profile before you just get tired of it and leave it? shall we find out?

by the way, this is the picture they removed:

yep, that's a boob. there's a baby at the end of it. waving hi, no less.

when will facebook stop deleting breastfeeding pictures? this gig is getting old and tired...come up with a new way to annoy us. better yet, just leave everyone alone and stop acting like you have any kind of authority....

it's not always sunshine and roses

2010-03-12T13:39:00.003-06:00

there's a myth out there...well, maybe not a myth, per se, but something touted as straight fact that cannot be disputed. i'm here to dispute it and bring a secret to light...

breastfeeding is not always sunshine and roses. there. i said it.

as a lactivist, i try to educate and encourage new moms to breastfeed. it's not what's best, it's what's normal. formula was made for women who NEED to use it, period.

but, sometimes problems occur, and a new mom can get easily discouraged if it isn't all sunshine and roses. unfortunately, a lot of lactivists (including myself) like to focus on the good stuff. we like to tell others how it's so much easier to lift your shirt and nurse than make a bottle of formula, how you don't have to pack anything extra when you go out, how sweet it is to look into that tiny baby's eyes while they look adoringly at you, happily drinking mama milk...

and so often, new moms are told the golden rule: breastfeeding shouldn't hurt. if it hurts, something's wrong.

i can't even begin to tell you how often that phrase slapped me in the face during the first few weeks i nursed izzy. it hurt. no, it HURT. every time i latched her on i cried and swore a blue streak, yelled and bit my knuckles, and sobbed while i watched her nurse, wondering when the pain would go away. i looked all over the internet. i called friends. i had the pedi check us out. we all went through the list of possible problems, and nothing fit. we could find no reason for the pain. no reason WHY my nipples had started to look like raw hamburger, cracked open and bleeding, scabbing over, raw and horribly painful. latch was good. no mastitis. no evidence of thrush. but there it was. pain and obvious damage.

it was 5 weeks of pure hell. and every time i read that phrase, i felt like a failure. why does it hurt? what am i doing wrong? obviously i must be doing something wrong, because that's what they're telling me...if it hurts, something's wrong.

and then at 5 weeks, it started getting better. the pain became a dull roar and every day i saw evidence of healing. then it was gone. but i felt robbed. i felt robbed of the lovey-dovey, beautiful experience everyone talked about, how much they loved to nurse their squishy newborns...and here, mine was already 6 weeks old, and i felt like i had missed those 6 weeks because i had spent them in a haze of pain, dreading the time she would wake up and start fussing, knowing i would have to endure yet again if my baby was to eat and thrive.

did i consider going out and getting formula? at the worst times, in the middle of the night, yes. but i didn't. i couldn't. i'd given my son formula and didn't want to do it again. and maybe it was because i was stubborn and just couldn't believe that the pain could possibly last forever. fortunately i was right, it didn't. but in all my searches for information, i never found anything that said 'it's okay, sometimes this happens'. those 5 words would've been such a comfort during those weeks, but they were nowhere to be found...

time passed, and i met new friends, and we would share our nursing experiences...and i learned that i wasn't the only one who experienced pain. others did, too, it just wasn't something anyone talked about, really. but why? why doesn't anyone talk about it? are we doing new moms a disservice by hiding this? i think so. sometimes there really is a reason for the pain, and when pain is present, it should be addressed. but sometimes there is no reason, it just is, and a mom who's going through this should be encouraged to continue, to do what she can to work through the pain, because in the end it really is worth it. i nursed izzy for another 18 months, and i wouldn't trade that for anything.

and now here i am with my second daughter, nursing on one side only because the pain became too much to handle on the other side, and the nipple didn't heal well (even the pedi said she'd never seen anything like it). the soreness is gone (except when she goes on an all-day binge). i think it was easier to get through this time because i knew now that it wouldn't last and i would survive. but i still haven't found anything that says sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and get through it...

so, for the new moms and soon-to-be moms reading this...if you're experiencing pain, check in with a lactation consultant or breastfeeding-friendly pedi or doctor, see if there's a problem that needs addressing. but if everything checks out and there is no explanation...keep going. take advil, drink some tea, go shirtless, do everything you can for comfort, but keep going. it will get better. and once it's better, you'll see the sunshine and roses.

unassisted birth of maisie elise

2010-03-10T10:49:00.002-06:00

so i completely neglected the blog towards the end of my pregnancy...which was probably a good thing. i was cranky. i was not a happy mama. if i had made any entries, they would've been cranky and no fun to read.

the crankiness finally gave way to a surprisingly fast and very intense 1-1/2 hour labor and birth. during a snowstorm. i didn't have time to use any of my comfort measures (i had envisioned a fire in the fireplace, hot tea, listening to music...none of it happened). here's the story:

i woke up Jan. 24th with bloody show and some crampy ctx, but i'd had that the day before, too. i figured it would be another day of prodromal labor, so decided to lay on the couch, especially since i knew corey would be gone most of the day at the funeral home (yay for being on call!).

towards the afternoon, the ctx got a bit intense and i had more show, so i thought for sure i was heading into active labor. i told corey to come home at his earliest convenience because i thought it was time and i got the birth supplies out and ready to go....then it all stopped. which made me feel dumb. how can i be on my third kid and not know if i'm in labor?

corey got home a couple hours later and during that time nothing had really happened. ctx had all but stopped and i wasn't having anymore show. i was getting extremely frustrated. my mom and dad brought dinner over later in the evening. i kept having a pressure sensation, but couldn't really call it ctx because it didn't hurt. at that point, though, i was just hoping that labor would start by the following morning, otherwise corey would have to go into work.

after the kids went to bed, i ended up taking a nap on the couch until about 1:30 am, at which point corey decided to go to bed. i was still having pressure, and an occasional crampy ctx, but it never felt like labor; it never got a pattern going. i was restless, though, so from 1:30 to 3 am i puttered around the house, took a bath, watched tv, all the while convinced i was having more prodromal labor and i'd never see the end of this...

i had a couple intense ctx at 3 am that really got my attention, and some more show. i was getting really restless, moving from the toilet to the living room, arguing with myself about the pros and cons of getting back into the bathtub. i started to get nauseous. i wanted company. i woke corey up and he came out and laid on the couch while i continued wandering back and forth, spaced out (the thought that i might be in transition crossed my mind, but i couldn't believe that could be a possibility since i hadn't even really been laboring up to this point). i did have enough sense to get the chux pads and towels into the living room, though. good thing...

(this next part gets all stream-of-consciousness because that's really the only way i remember it)

round about 4 am (i think, can't be sure) i started having what i finally would've called labor ctx...except they were more like late labor ctx, and i hadn't had a chance to build up to that yet, so i couldn't get on top of them. and now i'm grunting at the peak of the ctx. and now i'm pushing. no, wait, pushing? why am i pushing? i can't be ready to push yet...what the hell is going on here? but there's definite blood on the chux pads i put down in front of the couch, and i can no longer lean on the couch in between ctx, but i think that's more because now i'm not getting a break in between ctx, they're right on top of each other, can't catch a break...and now my pelvis is being forced open, the baby's head is moving through, and i can feel every bit of it. on my knees in front of the couch, the head goes through my pelvis and drops onto the pelvic floor in one fluid movement. water finally breaks. corey wakes up and jumps behind me to catch. i check the color of the water on the pads real quick, then try to go back to focusing on what's happening, because now the head is crowning and it's everything i can do to hold it back and let the tissue stretch to avoid tears...my body is in control and just wants everything out now, and i'm doing everything i can to fight my body to prevent damage...i can feel the head hasn't molded. i hold back as long as possible and then give in. the head comes out, then the body without a pause. corey manages to catch her and maneuver her around to my front while i sit back. her cord is wrapped around a leg, goes across her shoulders and the back of her neck, and is tangled up in her right arm, holding it up at an angle behind her head. while untangling, i see meconium smeared on her, and now on me, but i know it must have happened while she was emerging or shortly after because the water had been clear. i manage to get it untangled and then check to see what we have....a GIRL!! i thought for sure it was a boy!! but i don't care, i have a baby!

i think she was half-asleep when she came out. she made a couple squawks after a few minutes, but initially just grunted and half opened one eye. she seemed a little put out that she found herself outside her cozy home, but was willing to go along with the location change. born at roughly 4:35 am, Jan. 25, 2010, weighing 9 lbs 2 oz and 22 inches long.

so there it is. i have a squishy 6-week-old sleeping on me as i post this. i thought for sure i was done having babies, that this would be my last, but i'm finding myself rethinking that decision...i can't say for sure that i'm done. i just can't. it's too final. so instead i will wait and see what the future holds for us. maybe in another few years...

25 weeks and counting

2009-10-05T10:57:00.003-05:00

so, i'm getting into organization mode. making sure i have birth supplies and baby supplies and the house is organized and i'm comfy cozy in my nest....why this early? i have no idea. maybe it's because i already have 2 littles running around and i know how much longer projects can take while i try to work around them and the ever-growing belly. anyways, feeling the need to get some of this listed, because i fear i may be going overboard with the preparation...

my list of supplies is pretty much done, surprisingly enough. i feel pretty good about that. here's what we have so far:

Still Need:
fabric for wipes
chux pads
postpartum pads
ziploc baggies for placenta

Acquired:
stretchy wrap
red raspberry leaf tea
nursing pads
prefolds
birth ball
long-sleeve shirts
herbs

not too bad. no real rush on the Still Need items, so that makes me feel more prepared. but, then there are the projects.....

CLEAR OUT
master closet
master bath
kids' bath
kids' closet
hall closet
kitchen
storage closet

buy more storage containers
clean walls
wash carpets
clear off patio/store gardening stuff
new screen in sliding door
new curtains
new couch

KNITTING PROJECTS
finish tubey (my sweater)
newborn woolies stash
sweaters for kids
hat for dad
socks and booties
babywearing cover for coat

ack. that's where i get overwhelmed.

is all of that necessary for the birth? no, of course not. my rational mind understands that i can have a baby with cluttered closets, marks on the walls, ripped curtains and sliding door screen, and an old couch. these are not necessary projects (the carpet cleaning is negotiable). and the only necessary knitting projects are the newborn woolie stash, socks and booties, and the babywearing cover (although the cover is negotiable).

so why does this all need to be done? what is it about cleaning and organizing the house that makes having a baby seem...easier? is it just because these are projects i wanted to get done earlier this year (hell, let's be honest, i wanted this crap done LAST year)? that's the only logical explanation i can think of because in reality, babies will come when they're ready, regardless of how the house looks. they don't care how the house looks. all they require is a dry butt, a boob, and your warmth....not color-coordinated storage containers with lists taped to the outside outlining what's inside them.

i think maybe i just need to let go....do what i can and scrap the rest, stop worrying about it. just knit and breathe....what do you think?

water vs. land

2009-09-23T15:20:00.002-05:00

disclaimer: i think waterbirth is amazing, i really do. but in doing some soul searching, i've come to the conclusion that it's just not for me. i don't think it's bad or 'less than' or anything. it's just not me. so please don't take offense if you've had a waterbirth. this isn't about you, it's about me.

i started this pregnancy being overwhelmingly drawn to waterbirth. i read stories, watched videos, surfed around waterbirth websites....started gathering supplies, too. posted questions on forums on what all i would need, etc.

and then, i stopped. not consciously. i wasn't even aware that my interest had waned....until i started going over my supply list a few days ago. i realized i hadn't gotten any more waterbirth supplies. hadn't wanted to, actually. why? why would i suddenly go from being drawn to waterbirth, to now ignoring it?

i thought about the stories i'd read and videos i'd seen. they all looked and sounded wonderful...why didn't i want that? why was my mind rebelling? i compared what i had seen and read to my UC 3 years ago...what were the differences? what was it about land that seemed so much better than water?

i don't know why, but it suddenly hit me....the mess. yes, the mess. one of the things people freak out about or have umpteen million questions about when they hear 'homebirth' in the first place...some women actually go to hospitals and birthing centers because they don't want to deal with it. me? i want it. and i'm afraid the water in the pool would lessen the experience for me.

yes. i want to grab a slippery baby, maybe covered in vernix, maybe not, and hold it next to my heart, smelling the amniotic fluid and the blood and everything else, and i want to have that unadulterated mess on my skin for as long as i want it there, to be washed off at a time that is convenient and appropriate for me and the baby. i don't want to miss it. i don't want it to be in the water i'm sitting in, to be pumped out of the pool and washed away.

there's just something about it that taps into a primal part of my brain and triggers hormones and endorphins and makes it all so vivid...it's a trip. really. that's the only way i can think of to phrase it. suddenly you're the most powerful thing in the universe, having just pushed out and brought forth a new life, and here you are, holding this new life, sitting in the mess that helped create and nurture it for 9 months...and the rest of the world falls away. this is it. this is all that exists, all that matters for right now. and you know in the back of your mind, if anything threatened this tiny creature, you'd bare your teeth and rip the threat to shreds. you'd call up reserves of strength you never thought you possessed and set the world on fire if that's what it took.

and that's what i want. again.

waterbirth is beautiful, it is. but, in my mind, on my most basic, primal level, water dampens, it puts out fires. and the fire is what i need.

this pregnancy...

2009-08-10T12:20:00.002-05:00

is so relaxed. so nice and sweet and simple. peaceful.

i enjoyed my pregnancies with connell and isobel, too, but not in the same way. connell's was littered with doctor's visits, testing, ultrasounds, the ever-looming 'high-risk' label for a persistent ovarian cyst, the question of gestational diabetes...not to mention having to work a full-time job and living in an apartment that we came to call 'the bat cave'....

but i enjoyed feeling the movements, getting to know his personality a little before he was born, watching my belly grow, feeling like i was doing the most important thing in the world, growing a baby...

with izzy, things were a little more relaxed...flexible part-time job, a nice apartment, the already cemented decision to homebirth...but then there was the question of prenatal care...who to see? should i see anyone at all? will they get me in trouble for wanting to homebirth? i didn't come to the decision to have an unassisted pregnancy until the beginning of the second trimester, and it was nerve-wracking. liberating, but nerve-wracking. so i spent a good amount of time reading, researching, learning. i felt more in tune with her than i had with connell.

now it's time for #3...life has managed to be stressful with a job i've decided to quit, a husband working full-time and doing an internship, kids in transitional phases, a cat who apparently has a death wish...but the pregnancy itself is just so matter-of-fact. the big decisions have already been made (UP/UC, no question). i've heard the heartbeat. i've felt movement. i have no fear, no worry. it's wonderful!

i'm doing things a little differently this time. i haven't monitored my weight, at all. i'm not concerned about it. also not worried about blood pressure at the moment, since i typically run way low anyways. i'll probably check it a couple times nearer to the end, but as long as i'm feeling good, i don't see a need. i'm not concerned about keeping records like i was last time.

i did check around for the fundus a couple nights ago out of curiosity, and it's just below my belly button at 17 weeks. i feel occasional thunks and rolls, nothing regular yet, but definite 'i'm here!' movement. can't wait for the big kicks and punches :)

i am so relieved i came to the decision long ago that my body works and that no one knows my pregnancy better than i do. i can't imagine doing things any other way at this point.

the cost of UP/UC, first trimester report

2009-07-02T11:13:00.003-05:00

okay, since 12 weeks is right around the corner, i figured i'd go ahead and post the first trimester tally.

i am not keeping track of purchases that would be made for any pregnancy. things like maternity clothes, car seat, expected fluctuations in grocery bills, etc. i am keeping track only of items i purchase that are specifically related to having an unassisted pregnancy and birth.

so far, this is what i've purchased:

prenatal vitamins - $10
mother to be tea - $5
red raspberry leaf tea - $4
papaya enzyme - $5

total: $24

why did i include prenatal vitamins? because i'm not seeing a care provider, therefore, not getting a prescription for prenatal vitamins, or simply being given prenatal vitamins. there is some controversy as to whether vitamins are even worth it or not (the whole 'expensive pee' argument). i get them and take them on occasion, but try to focus more on diet and what my body is telling me it needs to be eating.

items i have yet to purchase:

chux pads
labor/birth/postpartum herbs - teas, sitz bath, tinctures
birth ball
fishy pool
postpartum pads

some of the above items i know i'll be borrowing/gifted from friends. when i receive them, though, i'll list the expected purchase price just to show the total expense.

also, i should note that while i have a doppler (purchased by a friend; it's hers, but she lets me use it), a doppler isn't necessary. you can just as easily purchase a fetoscope from ebay or a childbirth supply website for something around $20 to $30.

so there it is. $24 so far. not bad, eh?

the cost of UP/UC

2009-05-21T11:33:00.004-05:00

a thread on one of the forums i frequent made me think 'i should keep a running tab of the cost of pregnancy and birth supplies for a UP/UC'. just for curiosity's sake.

last time, i spent very little, but had only very basic supplies: a tupperware freezer bowl for the placenta and shoelaces for the cord. towels, sheets, and chux pads had been given to me secondhand from friends. i used my fabric scissors for the cord. as for pregnancy supplies, i had some tea and prenatal vitamins, lotion for belly, and some other indulgences. it never occurred to me to keep track of how much i was spending.

so far, i bought a bottle of prenatal vitamins (whole foods store brand, cost $10) and some Yogi Mother to Be tea ($5). total so far: $15

so here's what i'll do. i will post updates at the end of the 1st and 2nd trimesters, another towards the end of the 3rd trimester, and then after the birth, with a running tab of how much i've spent on UP/UC supplies.

the hippy...

2009-05-12T15:27:00.002-05:00

is pregnant! not exactly planned, but didn't really try preventing, either. so...

i've been taking test after test because it's just that fun. i like seeing a line appear. i'll stop now, though. :)

symptoms are beginning, here and there. my usual cramping that will last for weeks, slowly swelling breasts, small bouts of nausea here and there. i'm keeping a positive attitude about the morning sickness. i'm in a really good place mentally about this pregnancy, so i'm hoping that will help keep the morning sickness to a minimum...stress has a tendency to increase the symptoms. dizziness has entered the picture quite heavily, though, which is a new one for me. may be related to allergies, though.

so, no due date, and i'm honestly not sure if i'll calculate one. i don't want a date. i don't want people bugging me as i edge closer and closer, and possibly past, some random date on the calendar that's supposed to predict the day i'll give birth. not likely. right now, it's looking like the latter part of january, with a chance of edging into february. we'll see.

i've written a short list of stuff to buy between now and then. quite short this time. i felt overwhelmed getting ready for izzy, thinking there was so much stuff i needed to be prepared, and in the end realizing i didn't use at least half of it...so, not so much stuff this time. so far we're looking at:

prefolds
breast pads
long-sleeve newborn t-shirts (which will probably be dyed to match woolies)
chux pads
a couple things from Earth Mama Angel Baby (or WAHMs would be better); herbal teas, soothing healing balms, calming aromatherapy spray
stretchy wrap

i'm sure i'll add a few things to the list over the next couple months, but it won't be much.

i'm really looking forward to a calm, peaceful next 9 months, and being able to enjoy this pregnancy. this one just feels so calm and relaxed already. i hope the end resulting person is as calm and relaxed!

A 'Mother' of a Give-Away!

2009-04-18T12:43:00.002-05:00

apparently my head's been well buried under the sand with all of my busy-body business lately. i had NO IDEA there was an etsy mothering street team! what a fantastic group of WAHMs with beautiful items for sale!

and they're having a rockin' give-away! you have to check this out. if you're expecting, or know someone who's expecting, check out this collection. any mama would be happy to win this!

http://mdcmoms.blogspot.com/2009/04/spring-fling-give-away-part-2-april-15.html

'the case against breastfeeding', a short review

2009-03-22T00:09:00.002-05:00

realizing that i would be remiss in my judgmentalism (shoosh) if i didn't say something, i decided to post.

unless you've had your head in the sand, been hiding under a rock, or been busy with the kids, you've probably heard something about this 'article'. it's turning heads, ruffling feathers, and making quite the commotion.

here's a link if you haven't read it yet:

the 'article'

notice the quotes. because i don't think it's worth classifying as an article, but that's what everyone is referring to it as.

i'll be honest, i only skimmed the thing. i didn't think it was worth reading all the way through once i realized there wasn't going to be any real science involved and recognized it for what it was.

it's nothing more than yet another formula-friendly (it's not rat poison!), stop-judging-me-i-have-a-hard-life mom's argument for why she shouldn't feel guilty about the choice she's making. it's an excuse. it's a cop-out. it's a fishing expedition for validation from other mom's.

congratulations, lady, you got your validation. feel better?

i kind of felt sorry for her at one point. when she said she just didn't get that 'nirvana' feeling anymore, it was obvious to me that what she needs is a break. she's burnt out. i think we all get to that point. there are ways to get a break without switching to formula. girls' night, a day of shopping, lunch or coffee with a friend. find a babysitter or leave them with your husband and get away for a few hours. spend the money you would have spent on a can of formula on something for yourself instead.

she goes on to talk about how breastfeeding is apparently 15 steps back in the advancement of women's rights and feminism. really? this argument again? it's old, it's tired, let it rest. women are saying 'breastfeeding ties you down.' no, you're LETTING IT tie you down. you use it as an excuse for why you don't feel fulfilled in other areas of your life. there are ways to have a successful career and social life and marriage WHILE BREASTFEEDING. women do it every day. stop blaming your dissatisfaction on how much time you spend feeding your kid. if your reason for using formula is to gain more independence by having someone else feed the baby, you can just as easily put breastmilk in that bottle instead of interrupting your child's normal physiologic state by introducing something artificial.

what i find extremely amusing is that even the 'officials' are coming out of the woodwork to respond to this woman's pity party. and more power to 'em! it's about time they defend the boobie gestapo. we don't breastfeed to raise our social status, to be uber moms, to check off some laundry list of 'right' things to do, or because Dr. Sears said so. we breastfeed because it's the biological norm, because it's the way nature intended things to be done, because babies and mothers are pre-programmed with hormone responses and physiologic processes to make the boobs work and put the milk to good use.

it's just common sense.

and i'm not putting in the overused disclaimer. if you can't be an adult and insist on finding insult and injury where it's not intended, get off the internet and let the big kids play.

Salma Hayek nurses an African baby

2009-02-14T23:53:00.002-06:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/10/salma-hayek-breastfeeds-a_n_165676.html

how awesome is this?!

the downside to this, though.... people will watch this video, and think 'gosh, that was so nice of her! what a wonderful human being she is!', just like people did when they heard the news about the Chinese police woman who nursed all those babies after the earthquake orphaned them, but then they'll turn right around when they see someone nursing in public where they live and stick their nose up in the air, roll their eyes, or ask their friends 'why can't she do that somewhere private?'

because it's okay if you're a celebrity being selfless, or being a hero, but the average woman just simply shouldn't be allowed to 'flaunt it' out where everyone, including the poor children, can see.

why is our society so morally bipolar?

Birth stories

2009-01-22T12:37:00.003-06:00

because i haven't put them out there except on my local forums. it's time.

CSJ

Aug. 13, 2003, C and I signed the lease to a new apartment, sans bats in the belfry. I’d been put on bed rest the previous Friday at 34 weeks. I’d been having bloody show and some mild ctx, and was dilated to a 2-3. That night, I could’ve sworn my water broke, I felt like I was leaking. We went to the ER, they put me on a monitor and did the amniotic fluid test, which was negative. The nurse left it up to me to decide whether I wanted to stay or go home, and I decided to go home after the ctx essentially stopped. The next morning, Aug. 14, 35 weeks to the day, I woke with some mild ctx that weren’t easing up, and picked up a pattern fairly quickly. I was only mildly uncomfortable, so figured I’d wait around and see how I felt in a couple hours. At 12 pm, I was still contracting, 5 min. apart, so I called the ob’s office, and they got me an appt. at 3 that afternoon. We went in, and the ob pronounced that I was dilated to 4, in active labor, and to head over to the hospital and get checked in. She said she would come over after she finished some paper work in the office, around 6 pm.

So, off we went. Got checked in, got into our room. I told the nurses I would be taking a shower and they could do their questionnaire when I was done. As they asked me all their little questions, I walked around, rocked back and forth, did my thing to keep labor moving along nicely. Then things got complicated and messy. The nurses changed shifts, and the new ones wanted to put me on the monitors and start an IV immediately. I argued with them over the IV, telling them repeatedly that my ob had said I could do a hep lock. They threw “hospital policy” in my face, and I gave in. I almost threw up during the procedure. She couldn’t find the vein, and kept digging. This was the start of my stress. The ob came in around 6 pm, checked me and said I was dilated to a 6, and how about we break the water? Sure, why not….within minutes, the ctx picked up, coming on harder than I was prepared for (since it was an intervention and my body and brain hadn’t had a chance to adjust yet). I started getting anxious, and asked for a shot of Stadol. This made me sleepy, and I dozed for a while, not sure how long, though.

The nurses woke me up some time later, saying they were going to start the pitocin now, since my ctx were becoming irregular and I obviously needed some help. I flat-out refused. They said “If you’re concerned about the ctx becoming more painful, we can give you more drugs for the pain. You’ll do fine…” again, I flat-out refused. “Well, something needs to be done about these ctx or you’re going to end up needing a section…” I glared at her. “Unhook me from the monitors and let me get up and walk. That’s all I need to get labor going steady again…” They argued some more, and eventually agreed to let me walk the floor for half an hour. They checked me again before I left, and I was dilated to 7. C, Mom, Dad, my friend H, and I all walked the L&D floor, me stopping every few minutes to work through another ctx since the Stadol had worn off. After an hour or so, I decided the ctx were getting to be a little too much, and wanted to go back to the room.

When we got back, they hooked me up again and checked me….a very stretchy 9 cm, and gave me the go-ahead to push whenever the urge took hold. I froze for a second….my mind started racing… ”Seriously? This is it? No, it couldn’t be…see, I knew I could get things going if I just walked….wait, I’m having a baby now? Oh, shit….can I have another shot of Stadol?” The last must’ve been spoken out loud, because one of the nurses said “No, sweetie, I’m sorry, but you’re ready to push. It’s too late for more drugs. You’ll do just fine……ready?” Soon after, the freight train urge to push hit, and they instructed me on purple pushing, which I largely ignored, and yelled at me for yelling. “Stop that noise! It’s not going to do you or anyone else any good…” I still growled. The monitor lost CSJ’s heart rate (predictable; this 'complication' happens quite often), so they inserted an internal monitor into his scalp; he still has the scar.

During this time, I noticed one of the nurses using the phone to call my ob, twice. My ob hadn’t arrived yet, and I could tell they were nervous about this. I continued to push, not worrying about the fact that my doctor wasn’t there, because I honestly didn’t care at that point…the baby was coming with or without her help, and if she missed it, her loss. So, as CSJ crowned, the nurses panicked. One of them told me to stop pushing, just breathe…I was stunned. “Excuse me? I can’t stop this process…” I said. “Oh yes, you can.” She came up next to me and got in my face. “You just need to breathe through it, hold it, don’t push at all, you just can’t….” I told her it was impossible, that *I* wasn’t pushing, my body was. She yelled at me at this point… “No, YOU’RE doing the pushing, and you need to stop that, RIGHT NOW!” I glanced at the other nurse in the room, who had a deer-in-the-headlights look…she suddenly realized that birth was imminent, and rushed over to the cart to get things ready… Meanwhile, as I was attempting to instruct the other nurse on the physiologic process of labor, and how I really, honestly did not have any control over what my body was doing at that point, CSJ’s head popped out…I felt him spin, and his shoulders slipped through, followed easily by the rest of him, and a huge gush of fluid splashed over him as he landed on the bed….the nurse and I both stopped arguing and looked down as he let out one little squawk, and went quiet.

The two nurses grabbed their things and rushed over….towel on my belly, baby on the towel…rub, rub, rub, suction, gurgle, more suction….a clamp was placed on the cord, and I started in again…. “Um, we wanted to wait until the cord…” She cut me off. “It’s stopped pulsing. It’s fine,” and cut anyway. They rushed him over to the warmer and suctioned him for another 5 minutes or so. After a couple minutes, I heard him gurgling, trying to squawk and cry, and suddenly, he let out a screech that surprised everyone in the room! The nurses continued to work on him, getting him breathing comfortably, when in walked the ob. She looked at me, looked at the nurses and CSJ over at the warmer, and as she turned to get gloves said “Dammit, I missed it! I was looking forward to this one…” The ob came over and helped with the placenta, which came out on its own. I had a second-degree tear that she stitched up, but was otherwise fine. CSJ ended up receiving deep suctioning about half an hour later before they moved us to the floor.

CSJ was born on August 14, 2003, at 11:03 pm, weighing in at 6 lbs 11 oz, 19.5 inches long, and a 14.5 inch head, 5 weeks early…. I call it my unassisted hospital birth.

Izzy Jo

When I conceived Izzy, I knew I wanted to do things differently. I was already determined to have an unassisted birth, but was still up in the air about care during the pregnancy. I made an 8-week appt. with a family practitioner. One week before, I called and cancelled. My gut was screaming at me not to go. I reasoned it out in my head by saying “well, there’s not much they can do before 12 weeks anyway, so maybe I’ll just reschedule…” I never did. Every time I thought about it, it felt wrong. So instead I had my friend check my blood pressure every so often and listen to the heart rate when it became possible. She helped me locate the placenta to rule out a previa. We measured fundal height just for fun. I learned how to tell fetal positioning, and became quite good at it. I had a wonderfully stress-free unassisted pregnancy.

By my dates, I was due on May 15, 2006, Mother's Day. Since I had had CSJ 5 weeks early, I honestly thought I might go early again this time, too, possibly as early as 6 weeks, and so prepared for that possibility. I spent the pregnancy preparing for birth, knowing that I could get through labor just fine. I gathered some rudimentary supplies, scissors and shoelaces for the cord, towels, sheets, and chux pads, a birth ball, herbal teas. I settled in and waited for April, sure I would birth sometime during that month. April passed, turned into May. I know I should’ve just tossed the calendar in the trash, but I couldn’t believe my luck! I had passed 35, 37, 39 weeks! I was amazed at what my body could accomplish when it wasn’t being told it would fail.

Mother’s day came and went. Monday passed with no signs of labor. Tuesday morning, I was miserable. Hugely uncomfortable, wondering if I was going to be pregnant forever. I decided to take CSJ to the park that day and go for a long walk. We went up and down the path, and I walked in circles while he played on the playground. I never got anything more than some Braxton-Hicks, and after a couple hours, was too tired to continue. Afternoon turned into evening, and into night. C got ready for work and left around 10:30 pm. CSJ and I decided to head to bed around 11. We laid down and read a story. I turned off the light, said goodnight and rolled over.

POP! It felt like Izzy had landed a helluva punch, but I didn’t think anything more of it. I’d had the same sensation the night before, and nothing had come of it. I rolled over again because CSJ was being restless, and fluid gushed out. My waters had broken.

If you can, imagine a woman, roughly the size of a beached whale, squeezing her legs together as tightly as she can and tip-toeing to the bathroom, so as not to sploosh all over the carpet of the apartment.

I climbed into the tub and let go. Fluid went everywhere. It was clear, flecked with vernix, so all looked well. However, I kept leaking. Izzy’s head wasn’t acting like a cork for some reason, so I quick checked to make sure there was no cord prolapse. I didn’t feel anything, but suddenly got the urge to potty. No ctx yet, though. I made my way out to the living room and found the phone. C had just gotten to work and was starting his night when I called. I then called my mom and my friend, S. Mom arrived first, then S, then C. By that time, ctx had started, so I knew we would have a baby by morning.

CSJ was tired and cranky, although excited, so C took him to bed. They both fell asleep. S, Mom and I stayed out in the living room. Coffee was brewed. Some food was made. They chatted. I walked up and down the hall, stopping every few minutes to sit on the toilet. The whole time I kept leaking fluid. I had the feeling something was up, but didn’t feel that it was any sort of complication, so just pushed it to the back of my mind.

Labor progressed easily and fairly quickly. We never watched the clock, timed ctx, or did any cervical checks. I showered, walked around, sat on the birth ball, had a bath, walked some more. Before labor, I had been looking forward to being able to eat and drink as I pleased, but when the time came, I had no appetite. I was tired from a long day of trying to get labor started! I don’t know what time I entered transition, but I do remember the ctx getting stronger, and laying down on the couch, wanting nothing more than to doze off for a while. I started feeling spacy and restless. I wasn’t comfortable, no matter what position I tried. I ended up on my knees, leaning over the birth ball, rocking back and forth. I heard myself start moaning and growling and for a split-second thought “here it comes”… The freight train hit and I leaned back onto my legs.

You know the statue of Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug? Everyone thought it was a silly pose, even I made fun of it at the time. Karma bit me in the ass on that one. Every time I pushed, I leaned back and looked exactly like that stupid statue.

Meanwhile, my mother, who had up to this point been fairly calm, was suddenly quite alarmed and for whatever reason thought that she should hug me every time I started pushing. I somehow managed not to throw her across the room and ignored the fact that I was being smothered. S managed to put chux pads and sheets under me using some sleight of hand. I could feel the baby moving down, then back up. Again, the thought hit me that something must be off, and that this was going to hurt, and I was just going to have to summon up every bit of strength I had left to get her down and out.

So I growled, and I pushed. By this time, C had woken up and was sitting in the corner. I was fine with that. I wanted my mom to join him, but it was moot by this point. I felt Izzy come down and start crowning. S was behind me, encouraging me, telling me she was almost here….and then I felt it. I hadn’t felt it with CSJ, so hadn’t been prepared for the ring of fire. Behind the burning white hot pain, the thought ran through my mind, just once, that maybe this had been a bad idea….and then I had to push again. My hand flew down to slow the crowning and let the tissue stretch. But it felt like I was going to split up the front, not through the perineum. I needed to do something…it took a moment before my head cleared long enough to communicate to the rest of me “change position”. At the exact same moment, I heard S behind me “Do you need to move? What do you want us to do?” I told her to grab the couch cushions and pile them up off to the side. I told Mom to get behind them. In one movement, I flipped over into a semi-sitting/squatting position, leaned back, and pushed with everything I had. Izzy’s head popped through, and she was pissed! She started crying right then. I felt her corkscrew, and the shoulders and legs came tumbling out, into S’s hands. Izzy was letting the world know as loud as she possibly could that she had arrived. S handed her up to me, and I cradled her as best as I could. The cord was extremely short, and I couldn’t even get her to the breast without it being pulled. So I held her on my stomach and talked to her, put a towel around her and tried to calm her down.

She started to settle down a bit, and S asked “So, what do we have, mama?” I realized I hadn’t looked to see yet… I announced “It’s a girl!” and the room cheered. We cut the cord soon after, since it seemed to be making Izzy uncomfortable, and once that was done, she settled right down and took in her surroundings. We checked the clock… 4:40 am. Izzy didn’t want to nurse right away, so Mom and C made their introductions while I birthed the placenta. We placed it in a plastic container, and I went and took a quick bath to clean up; I was covered in blood. While bathing, we got some clots out; there was a fair amount of blood loss, but nothing too severe. I got out and dried off while they weighed and measured Izzy. Afterwards, Izzy and I settled in on the couch for our first nursing, while everyone else cleaned up. I was bruised, and had some skid marks, but no tears. That’s when S told me…that nagging feeling I’d had that something was off….Izzy had presented with a nuchal hand. Her little fist had been balled up on the side of her face, next to her temple.

Izzy was born on May 17, 2006, at roughly 4:40 am, weighing in at 9 lbs 11 oz, 22 inches long, with a 14 inch head and a nuchal hand.

i've either become a hardened bitch

2009-01-06T18:30:00.002-06:00

or a softie. i think i might possibly be the only crunchy in crunch-land who didn't get outraged by the 20/20 show. sure, there were things that got under my skin a bit, but i honestly just couldn't get...upset. angry. enraged. whatever. i sat there like a lump, cringed a couple times, said 'no, that's not right' out loud once, and let the rest slide.

that's it. no throwing the remote, no yelling at the TV (two things i'm known for when viewing the mainstream opinion of the lifestyle i've etched out for myself). just...sat. and watched.

maybe it's because i turned it on at the last minute, and went into without the pre-emptive mental attack "oh, god, what the hell are they gonna say this time?!". maybe i really did try to keep my mind open to it being a reasonable show. either way....

the orgasmic birth section actually surprised me. i thought they approached it with enough sensitivity as to not make the proponents look like whackjobs, and the interviewer seemed open-minded, if a little surprised.

the re-born segment was a little sensational and completely out of context, as was the serial surrogacy segment. they could have both been easily removed and more time given to the other topics.

the extended bf'ing segment was crap, i will say that. it was probably the one segment that got to me at all. it greatly illustrated how much more work needs to be done to normalize breastfeeding in this country. the fact that they can say 'the average age of weaning in other countries is 4', then go on to be shocked that 2-year-olds are still nursing is a bit much. as for the older kids they showed, it seemed like they were just striving for shock factor and nothing more.

the homebirth segment was confusing. at one point i couldn't figure out if they were talking about attended or unattended. i think that could've been separated a bit better, because for me, while homebirth is what both groups do, there is a vast difference between attended and unattended, and separate issues specific to each. to lump them together shows ignorance on the part of the interviewer. i was glad that the only 'official' statement made about homebirth was the blip about the AMA's statement, and that they had intelligent, well-known people, from regular individuals to doctors to celebrities, getting their voices out there with little opposition. the interviewer's shock and silly questions actually seemed a bit contrived, like she felt obligated to say what would be on the mainstream person's mind. and of course, the last bit about the 'emergency' birth could've been done a bit less dramatically, but overall, i thought the segment was decent and didn't show homebirthers in a bad light.

and when it was over, i turned it off and went back to work. no raised blood pressure. no steam still venting from my ears. no mumbled swears and curses. just a sense of 'well, that was better than i thought it would be'.

maybe it's partly due to the fact that i'm not currently baking a bun, so the defensive claws aren't ready to rip and tear. or maybe i'm just getting old and tired of being goaded.

oh, happy day!

2008-11-05T14:08:00.003-06:00

i can breathe. really. sounds dramatic, i know. but after i heard the announcement, i took a deep breath. was this really happening? could it be possible?

is this what hope feels like?

when obama first started campaigning, i read reviews of his speeches, and the general consensus was that he was a very good speaker....almost too good. people were afraid that the public would listen to his speeches and be swayed by his way with words alone, and not actually listen to what he was saying.

so i didn't listen to him speak. i read press releases, articles, soundbites, and looked at his website. i watched the last presidential debate. i did not listen to him speak because i didn't want my decision to be swayed by pretty words.

i decided, i voted. i am a libertarian, and i voted for obama.

and i listened to his speech last night...and cried. i do believe over the past 8 years i have honestly forgotten what hope feels like. and last night, i felt it return. i was able to breathe a sigh of relief. i looked at my sleeping children and for the first time in the 5 years i've been a parent, i actually thought 'we're going to be okay'.

the international response has been encouraging, as well. i think we may just get through this, after all.

not to mention the enormity of it all. our nation's first black president. i am actually proud of my country today, for the first time in years. could it be we are finally moving forward and starting to reject our previous backwards way of thinking? one can hope....

for those who supported him to begin with, today is a day to celebrate. for those of you who are not obama supporters....i hope you can set aside any disappointment or anger you may be feeling, and simply sit back and give this new situation a chance. you may be surprised. and if you find you just aren't happy, can't tolerate it, whatever, well.....you'll have another chance in 4 years. :)

Diapers for Vaccines...If you think this is a worthy cause, never visit my blog again.

2008-04-27T10:36:00.003-05:00

Pampers has decided they're going to help save the world... No, unfortunately, they're not stopping production of their paper diapers. Instead, with every pack of diapers you purchase, they will donate 1 tetanus vaccine to 'save the babies' in third world countries.

Oh, and look. They have a celebrity sponsor, even. Salma Hayek is putting her face on their cause.

They could do sooo much better by using that money to help build clean water supplies and sanitation in third-world communities, which would go so much farther in helping save those babies and mamas. But it looks like they'd rather keep them in their place than lift them up.

Way to go Pampers! 'Buy our paper diapers, and not only will you help destroy the environment, you'll also be helping UNICEF shoot toxins into babies and pregnant women instead of providing them with much-needed resources.'

I've already got a nice big goose-egg from banging my head on the wall. I figured it was only fair to share the joy.

the flu sucks ass, but i'm still not gonna get the vax for it

2007-10-07T00:16:00.000-05:00

well, we should be all set for the winter season. 2 of the 4 of us got the flu. it was miserable, but we managed, without the aid of doctors or hospitals, surprise, surprise.

i will never understand why someone would inject themselves with toxic chemicals and heavy metals on the off chance they might, MIGHT, avoid a few days of hell, and then to do this year after year after year....it defies logic.

of course, now the drug companies are telling us to "do it for nana." because apparently the public has never heard of postponing a visit to nana and gramps when you're hugging the toilet and your whole body is seized up with aches and chills.

IS the public really that stupid? why is society letting "the powers that be" strip them of their decision-making abilities? why are we letting drug companies pat us on the head while they inject us and medicate us with toxins and tell us only they know how to keep us healthy? since when does formaldehyde keep anyone healthy? formaldehyde is for the deceased, people! wake up!

it amuses the hell out of me to see people reading lables in the grocery store. so concerned about the ingredients and the numbers. how much would you bet these same people have never even thought to look at all the ingredients in their medications and their vaccinations? if you saw MERCURY, ALUMINUM, FORMALDEHYDE, ANTIFREEZE, ABORTED FETAL TISSUE, MONKEY KIDNEY CELLS, BOVINE SERUM, AND (virus of your choice), would you purchase that with the intention of ingesting it? probably not. so why are you injecting it directly into your bloodstream? think about it...

snap out of it. stop being so afraid of putting your immune system to the test. nobody likes being sick, but it's a natural part of living on this planet. think for yourself. stop letting drug companies tell you what you need. READ THE LABELS and make your own decisions.

Self-weaning at 14 months....

2007-07-29T22:50:00.000-05:00

surprise! this is not a rant. i do believe my little one is starting to self-wean. she actually started about a month ago. she went from 6-8 a day, down to 5-6, to 3-4, and we're currently holding steady at 1-2 milk sessions, usually in the evening.

when she cut down her nursings, i freaked out. i analyzed everything i had been doing...did i change my diet? no. she's been using a binky since 4 weeks, so it's not that. she's never had a bottle. i've always experienced a small drop in supply when aunt flo arrived, starting at 10 weeks post-partum (and i always augmented my supply with Mother's Milk or Nursing Mom tea), so it wasn't that. i hadn't changed our routines. we nurse on-demand, so no goofy schedules to mess things up. it was a combination of her asking less, and doing more playing than nursing when she did ask.

i was sure my supply would tank; i wondered if maybe it was an issue with my supply anyways, so off i went to the store, buying boxes of Mother's Milk and Nursing Mom and fenugreek tea, but working frantically to increase my supply made no difference. so i went through everything i could think of, just in case. i offered the breast before every snack and every meal. anytime she asked for solids, i offered the breast first. that wasn't it. i tried taking the binky away, but she's never been a comfort nurser (hence the binky), and she wasn't about to change her ways. i stayed topless in the house, and stripped her down to her diaper. no change. she would only play, not nurse. the times she would actually settle down to nurse were always in the evening, between dinner and bedtime, and occasionally once during the night or early morning.

i cried. i was wracked with guilt. it had to be *something* i'd done, right? babies this young don't just wean...

for a month i've been beating myself up over this. but then, it dawned on me....

i'm still nursing on demand. i offer when i think she might be interested, and i never refuse when she asks, even if all she ends up doing is play. i'm still "attached", following her cues, and meeting her needs. i have not done anything "wrong". i cannot control how much she nurses, i cannot control her interest in mama's milk. she is her own person, i cannot force her to change.

i would love for her to increase her nursing. i had every intention of nursing her for several more years, and i still will, even if it's only 1-2 times a day. if that's what she wants, i'm happy to provide that for her. 1-2 times a day *is* still nursing...

and yes, i'm still as judgmental as ever, *because* she's still nursing. i refuse to adopt the attitude of "well, why not just cut those 1-2 a day out, and call it done?" no. not a chance in hell. i also don't think this is "normal", but instead, a variation on "normal". most babies won't wean this early, that's all there is to it. lord knows i don't like putting nature into parameters of normal (you should hear my diatribes on "normal" pregnancy and "normal" labor and birth).

as long as she's happy, i'm happy. so i won't dwell on this anymore.

catching more flies...

2007-07-16T16:52:00.000-05:00

"you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar"

i honestly can't stand this phrase. i don't care for the idea of referring to people as flies, metaphorically or not, whether i like the person or agree with them or not. secondly, the whole idea behind it is deceptive, is it not? to use honey to attract a fly...with the intention of trapping it, so it no longer bothers you, and eventually dies?

i constantly see this phrase used in my "crunchy" circles. the idea is to be kind and understanding, to impart information in a gentle way, instead of being blunt and plain, which some may find offensive. don't want to offend anyone now, do we?

but why should we care? why are we trying to "lure" the mainstream in with sweetness and hand-holding and "there, there, love..." this isn't a cult, no one needs to be converted to an AP/NFL way of thinking. the point is to help people think for themselves...

have we come so far from being open and honest in our communication? once upon a time, you could tell someone that you thought they were out of line, that what they were doing was wrong, etc., and they would either listen to you or ignore you. no harm, no foul. they didn't scream from the rooftops "how dare you! you've offended me! it's my personal choice!!!" and drone on and on about the injustice you've dealt them. they either learned something or moved on.

for me, personally, when someone is reserved or even sweet when presenting their opinion to me, i get bored and lose interest. on the other hand, when someone is up front and unapologetic about their opinion, and not at all concerned about offending others, it makes me sit up, pay more attention, and listen to what they're saying. even if it's something i know i already disagree with because i've done my own research and come to my own decision, i'll look further into their position, compare it to mine, and make my own assessment. it's how i got to where i am today.

the point is, when you tell someone what they're doing is wrong, especially when it comes to parenting issues, you're going to piss some people off, whether you sugar-coat it or not. they may make a big stink about it, and say "you've offended me! you're crazy! how dare you!", but it will stick with them. and it may upset them enough that they'll go looking for the information for themselves,with the intention of trying to prove you wrong, and end up finding out that you were right. either way, they've been told that there is another way, and they won't forget it. if they choose to continue on the path they're on, then so be it.

i understand others have a different point of view on this, and think that hand-holding and gentle education is the proper approach. that's fine. you do things your way, and i'll do things mine. i just prefer not to treat people like flies.

Strip Tease

2007-05-16T12:30:00.000-05:00

STRIP

the land of its trees, plants, grass, birds, animals, insects, micro-organisms, ECOSYSTEM, just to build a

MALL

which you're all in a twitter over because now the Gap will be 2 miles closer. hey, it saves on gas, right?

but i'm sure as long as you remain complacent in your pasteurized, homogenous, commercialized life that's been handed to you, the only sleep you'll be losing is worrying how you're going to fit that mani/pedi in between going to the gym and lunch with the girls.

EARTH DAY PSA: Part II

2007-04-21T20:19:00.000-05:00

Not surprisingly, my kids kept me from posting this yesterday like I said. So, quickly, before they find out I'm on the computer, here's part 2.

CLEANING PRODUCTS

Now, there are a couple "commercial" products that I use on a regular basis, and this is where I am lazy. I'm not an eco-queen. I still use commercial toilet bowel cleaner, and a "commercial" laundry detergent (Bio-Kleen, much gentler and better for the earth than, say, Tide or even Dreft). But I no longer buy any other cleaners. I make my own. It's easy and costs pennies, and it's much safer to use than commercial cleaners.

Grab a large spray bottle. For my recipe, I fill the bottle halfway with white vinegar, and the rest of the way with tap water. This is a wonderful surface cleaner. Use in your tub and shower, toilet, bathroom sink, kitchen sink, countertops and stovetop. Works on mirrors and windows, too. If you have a particularly nasty spot that needs scrubbing, make a paste with baking soda and water. You can use less vinegar if the smell is an issue for you, say, 1/4 to 1/2 cup, and add a few drops of lavender or tea tree oil, which both act as antifungals/antiseptics.

For dishes, you can use a simple liquid castille soap, bought in bulk at a health food store, or make your own (just Google "make castille soap"), and again here, for tough spots that need scrubbing, you can either make a baking soda paste, or do a baking soda soak (great for coffee and tea stains; just pour baking soda in, add hot water, soak for 15 to 20 minutes, scrub and rinse).

There are ways to make your own laundry detergent and dishwasher detergent, as well. Feel free to Google them. I don't have any recipes on hand at the moment, but they're out there.

So, to wrap things up, you don't have to use the products Oprah tells you to use in order to help save the earth. Think outside the box. Go back a hundred or more years. Do some research. Natural solutions work. Cloth works. And there's nothing wrong with it. It's not going to take you down a notch in society to use simple, natural solutions for everyday household items. You're not going to be ostracized or looked at as dirty. If anything, when people see how well these things work for you, not to mention the money saved, it'll inspire them to make their own changes. Then you can all sit back and have a laugh at the expense of the other consumer-driven slaves to disposable, harmful chemical products, because you've broken free, you've been enlightened.

Go ahead. Try it.

EARTH DAY PSA: Oprah don't know what she's talking about

2007-04-20T18:04:00.000-05:00

Oh, sorry, did I burst your recycled plastic bubble?

My friend informed me of today's Oprah episode: "How to go Green". Synopsis of episode: "Omigod, recycled paper towels and napkins and toilet paper, Oh My!" "Ooooooh, biodegradable earth-friendly house cleaners, how faboo!!"

Nevermind the fact that it's more expensive than the conventional stuff. But hey, if it makes you feel better, go for it. Now you can tell your friends you're earth conscious all while being stylish, because Oprah said so.

Excuse me while I have an aneurysm.

Here's the deal, people. It's beyond simple. Right under your nose, but the media has duped you into thinking you "need" disposable products. All it took was one generation of misinformation to wipe out the knowledge your great-grandmothers held.

Here we go, ladies and gentleman. The following is a list of things you can do to really make a difference. I'm not asking you to turn into earth-mother extraordinaire, but damn, people, if I can do it, so can you. This will be long, so I'll break it up into two posts.

CLOTH!

Cloth. Fabric. Cotton. It can quite successfully replace every disposable paper product you currently use. Diapers, baby wipes, kleenex, paper towels, napkins, menstrual pads and toilet paper. Don't "eeewww" me, just shut up a minute and read on.

Diapers and Baby Wipes: Your grandparents used cloth diapers and never thought twice about it. It's not gross. It's better for everyone; the earth, your baby's butt, and your pocketbook. Less waste for the earth, no carcinogenic chemicals on baby's skin, and about $1,000 to $2,000 annual savings. It's only one little extra step to use cloth squares for baby wipes instead of disposable stuff. http://realdiaperassociation.com

Kleenex: Ever heard of a handkerchief? Hell, we usually just use our cloth baby wipes. My nose never gets raw anymore.

Paper Towels and Napkins: 2 yards of knit cotton fabric, 2 yards of terry cloth. Cut out 8" x 8" squares. Sew two squares together. Once dirty, throw in with regular load of whites. More absorbant than paper products, and a lot less trash. Plus, they will hold up to those sticky, icky, goopy, gotta-scrub-it messes. Just rinse, wring, reuse. Why bother with "just like cloth" when cloth works so much better?

Menstrual pads and Toilet Paper: First, get over yourself. Stop being prim and proper and admit that you bleed. Admit that you shit. Say it loud, say it proud. Now, I will be the first to admit that cloth mama pads are not for everyone, however, all the women I know who have tried it, adore it. There are several work-at-home moms who can make them for you, or just Google "cloth mama pads" and you'll find several links. Some stores, like Whole Foods, even carry Glad Rags for your convenience. If it totally squicks you out, I invite you to look into another reusable menstrual product, the menstrual cup. I personally use a Diva cup and highly recommend it. I've converted all of my friends to using it. A one-time purchase of $30 will set you up until menopause. Easy to use, easy to clean, easy on the earth. Not to mention, no more bleached cotton up your hoo-ha. Many women find that once they start using mama cloth or a cup, their bleeding and cramps lessen. Who doesn't want a shorter, more comfortable period? http://divacup.com

Now, cloth toilet paper. Again, some cotton knit and terry cloth yardage, cut into 5" x 5" squares, sew together. Place in a basket next to the potty. You can even get a squirt bottle if it makes you feel cleaner, although I've never used one and never had a problem. Place dirty cloths in a drawstring bag (any waterproof nylon bag is good; check your local camping gear supply store). You can either wash them in their own load, or with other clothes (like those cloth paper towels and napkins you've made for yourself, or the cloth diapers and baby wipes). Again, it's not dirty. And cloth is so much more comfortable than paper.

These are all very easy changes to make, and once you get into the groove of using cloth, it just becomes an everyday thing. Not to mention you never have to buy those paper products again. It's easy to make your own, or you can find work-at-home moms who would be happy to make some for you. Google is your friend. Type in "cloth wipes" "cloth diapers" "family cloth" "mama cloth" or "diva cup" or "keeper cup" to find all sorts of links to products to help you help the earth.

NEXT UP: Cleaning products. I will post this one later this evening :)

The Disclaimer

2007-02-01T14:14:00.000-06:00

Mainstream parenting pisses me off. It’s the easy way out. Choosing to use formula when you have perfectly functioning breasts is pathetic. Not questioning your doctor, ever, is cowardice. Letting your baby cry it out in a crib in another room because you “need your sleep” is detrimental to that child’s well-being. Using disposable diapers without acknowledging that the chemicals in said diapers are questionable, not to mention the effect all those diapers has on the environment, is doing a disservice to the world. Choosing an elective Cesarean section because you don’t want to be bothered with the pain/mess/inconvenience of labor and birth increases you and your baby’s risk of death 3 times (look it up). Choosing to circumcise after you’ve been told there’s no medical reason for it, your child will feel pain, and there are definite risks to having it done is an act of abuse.

But look, I’m not totally without a heart. I understand there are instances when women need to use formula, or have a Cesarean section. Not everyone is in a place where cloth diapers are convenient, and some people really should use cribs instead of co-sleep. Some people have injuries that won’t allow them to wear their babies. And not every family has the opportunity to homeschool. What’s worse, not everyone has access to the information that might change their minds about medically managed pregnancies and births, or the truth about circumcision, and the fact that vaccines are not as safe as we all originally thought.

I want to put this information out there for people. I used to be one of those mainstream moms. I saw an OB and had a hospital birth. I circumcised my boy and fed him formula. He was vaccinated on schedule until he was a year old, when I finally saw the light.

I’ve used disposable diapers, and don’t think it’s a complete sin. I’ve put my son in a stroller and only felt slightly guilty.

What makes me angry is the people who don’t open their minds up to the possibility that these “hippy” practices might not be crazy. I’m not an idiot. I’ve done my fair share of reading and research on these topics, and I’ve come to the realization that this is what’s best for my family.

Not every family can do all of these things, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But dammit, if you have the opportunity to try these things, to make different choices in your life, to open your mind to the possibility that what you’re currently doing might not be best, why not fucking take it? It’s not going to hurt anything to at least read up on some of these things…

I see people doing the mainstream thing every day, and they look at me like I’m crazy. It makes me angry that these people look down on me for making rational choices for my family. And over the years, it has worn me down, and I now look down on them for their choices. I don’t apologize for this; they’ve never apologized to me.

But do keep in mind, if you’re one of those parents that can’t do these things, it’s not you I’m pissed off at. It’s the people who make these choices when they have the opportunity to do differently, and don’t care.

So, at the end of all this, if you’re still feeling pissed off after reading my disclaimer, after I’ve told you that I understand different people are in different situations and can’t always do what they would prefer to do for their children, you’re not in the “want to do differently, but can’t” category. And what you’re feeling behind that anger is guilt. But how dare I judge you, right? How dare I question everything you do and everything you believe in and everything you’ve been told.

Here’s a suggestion: Go to Babycenter.com. You’ll fit right in.